I went to see Allison and other friends at the Met and it was really pretty on the roof. At first they said it was maximum capacity, but we got in. On our way we walked through the Greek sculptures area and I liked seeing them. I still can't believe those things are here with us these days.
I met some of Allison's friends and they're really sweet Asian girls. Jin from Shanghai was there too and I hadn't seen her in forever. They said they're so proud of me for going to law school, but then they started asking me how it was and all that. I said things like, "Oh it's fine, yeah..." The questions they asked bummed me out because I'm not happy or proud or excited to talk about it. I noticed that I was getting more quiet and less bubbly. I wish they wouldn't ask me how it is.
Then Allison and I walked ahead of them down the hall and she asked, "Are you seeing anyone?" I said no, and she said, "So you haven't seen anyone since... that guy?" "That guy"
I again said no and she said I need to meet people and I said I certainly have been meeting many people at parties and events and social things and at law school. Her questioning brought me more sadness though and once I start thinking about those things it further bums me out. I feel very deeply and differently about all of that and it hasn't gone away, for some reason.
We finally got to the roof and took a billion pictures. It was cute when we figured out to hold a flashlight for more light so our pictures wouldn't come out so dark. Brilliant! I want to go back there again. The music was nice too and there was grass and some glass fixtures. It's bigger than I thought.
Allison said we should get dinner, but then I was beginning to feel guilty because I needed to do my homework. At the same time though I liked being with them, but at the same time their questions were bumming me out since they came at intervals. They ask me how I'm liking it and those types of questions. I'm also a terrible liar about these things so I can't act very enthused.
We walked through that Greek area again and Allison asked me why I was not a happy Adela and she noticed I was quieter. We linked arms and I said, "I'm just not where I want to be in my life right now." She thinks one of my big problems is that I'm not relating to my peers and I know. She told me about her sister who is also feeling out of place somewhere else. We talked about the clubs I'm joining and how we need to find things to make me happy.
We went on our way to the subway and I was beginning to have mixed feelings about going. I was feeling as though I needed to study and on top of that I didn't want to talk about my life, which is amazing coming from me. I was getting sadder as we walked since I found myself thinking about a lot of things again. We made it to the subway and I said I'm just going to go home. Jin asked if I was okay and I said I'm fine, that I just need to finish my homework. Allison and I hugged and we all said goodbye to each other and I walked away.
While walking I was feeling a bit sad and lonely and I walked to the McDonald's I saw. I called Corinne because I needed something to raise my spirits.
I told her about the conversation with Allison and the law school questions and how much they bummed me out. I said I miss Dan very much as a person, and she said, "Aw, Adela." I said it's quite lonely to not be able to talk to many people. Then every one of the girls I know, even Evil Zoe, has a long-term boyfriend and they talk about it so normally while I can't say a word. It's lonely not having anyone to talk about my day with in that way or to visit me or do anything they talk about. I said I wished I could even have an unreciprocated crush at this point just to feel, "HE'S SO SEXY!" For some reason I haven't been able to do that (it seems somewhat shallow now, haha) and no one has inspired me to be that way either. I don't understand that very much. I said though I can't do much about it anyway, so moving on. She said there haven't been any milestones in my life either to distract me from that. Then I said I missed all of my Shanghai people because they're such wonderful friends. I said, "I love you guys," and she thought that was so sweet. I said it's true and that they're always there for me when I need them, and I think that's hard to find. I know I shouldn't expect to make best friends right off the bat, but I didn't think I'd want to not socialize with many of my classmates. I said I kind of feel the same way I did in my last year of high school. Next year is a long time to feel better and I don't want it to take that long. I said I spend mostly every day alone with lunches from Caroline occasionally and even though I'm motivating myself to study hard for the grades and for myself it's still a little sad for me. I'm happier on my own than being with people I feel strange with, and I felt better when I stopped going to bar nights.
I said I disliked it when people ask about law school or love because I can't really say many positive things. I wish people would stop asking because I don't feel very proud right now. I don't think I'd be as bummed if people wouldn't ask about it often, or talk about these things, but I can't blame them. I didn't even change my education on my Facebook profile. It also all reminds me of my LSAT score which was also disappointing for me, even though Corinne said it was really good. I still remember seeing it last Fall and how disappointed and saddened I was, after all that studying. It's funny how I was really happy about law school in April and then Columbia came along for months and Squire said that's partly why I'm feeling this way, because I was so close. I hate it, but it's true, haha. There are just a load of things on my mind. I'm not sure why those questions triggered all of this since I've been feeling fine these past few days. I feel as though I don't even feel that down by myself. She said that once people bring up these subjects my mindset gets stuck and it's hard to get out of that.
I said Joshua from Shanghai (Sahel's one true love, haha) and a friend from my LSAT class were both at NYU Law and I can't even imagine how that would be. I'm sure Ting Ting and Hannah will both end up there or Columbia or wherever. I said I missed the park and just the area in general.
I told her about Squire and how much better I felt when talking to him. I just thought I had to talk to him and so I went. She said she's always been impressed by the way I have real relationships with my professors and I said thank you. She said it's impressive how I can just talk to them, haha, and she thinks it says something about me. I really did enjoy the conversation though because there was something about it that made me feel genuinely good and like I was "home" again. He also gave me a lot of useful information and was helpful overall. I don't know, I just felt so much better. His economics class about pharmaceutical companies was the one time I felt very alive at school.
Corinne was also glad I joined the Domestic Violence Action Center and that at least I'll be among like-minded people. Yeah, I'm happy about that! That's my thing. I like my classes and professors overall too, but I don't love any of them. I think my favorite class is Property. I guess it's just the environment and many of the people I've been meeting and my own things. Maybe it's just the whole "life changes" thing and I'm simply missing NYU. I don't know. Things just haven't gone as planned, I guess, with all the surprises, strangeness, and curve balls. But I'm going to keep studying and try my best and just be myself.
I felt much better after talking to Corinne and she said she's going to Japan next week to visit a friend and we can hang out after. She's very excited and also happy since she's still getting paid on her vacation. Aw! I told her thanks so much for being there for me during this time and she said it's no problem and she hopes things turn around for me. Praying for a miracle
Instead of doing work I watched TV with my mom and it was fun. We saw several episodes of "Naked and Afraid," which has a man and a woman surviving naked in the savannas of Botswana and places like that. Last night I saw a night marathon of Cosmos and it was so nice, aw! I love that show to death. I also liked the parts where they talked about female scientists and I never would have known about any of those women had it not been for the show.
Something sexist related just happened at NYU and my friend wrote to the higher authorities about it (like the man who interviewed me about my Shanghai story) and alerted the feminist group I was a part of. He also said they were three white male students:
I'm writing to report an incident of what I view as a hostile environment towards female students in University Hall, which I encountered in the men's restroom of that dorm's common area. Three students, which I did not confront, were having a discussion about an incident at work (workplace not identified) wherein police arrived because a "white chick" made an allegation of rape after being "touched" in the elevator (their terms). They then proceeded to ask each other questions including:
"Was she hot?" -- multiple times
"Would you have touched her?"
and worst of all -- "Was she worth going to jail over?"
-- all to laughter.
As I write this at 9:15 PM, Friday September 19, I am honestly in shock that I heard this conversation at all from my supposed peers. This incident happened less than half an hour ago. And I am seriously concerned about the implications that this has, not only for the safety of women on our campus, but a future NYU that endorses and tolerates questions such as "was she worth going to jail over" -- which these students apparently found some praise and humor in.
University Hall is also a FYRE dorm, and another question is even more immediately concerning as to whether these students are first-year residents, or residential staff referring to events on campus -- staff supposedly responsible for the safety of hundreds of female students just entering college.
This sort of behavior, totally beneath the conduct expected of an NYU student (and of common decency), demands a response. I hope it will be commensurate to the seriousness of the situation. As a Senior about to graduate, this is not the future I expected for my school. I will remember what I heard, and what I heard was vile.
For some reason I just got excited about that XD You don't hear about this stuff happening often at NYU so this is pretty new to me.
Oh and Lucy made the HuffingtonPost! Of course there's a grammar error in the first sentence.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/1 ... 31296.html