Ah, you managed to get here before me, Flowers. Okay, here's mine, and some notes for you guys still getting into studying Japanese at the bottom.
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As the needle of the clock moves past midnight,
My unspoken love is torn asunder;
The sound of the bell tolling the end of the day is now
Carried away gently by the wind,
It blows about a elegant white veil, and
I reach out my hand; I will sleep sorrowfully with it in my arms
The light known as hope that shines in my dreams,
Flickers away briefly, lost beyond my despair,
As the needle of the clock moves past midnight,
My unspoken love is torn asunder;
The sound of the bell tolling the end of the day is now
Carried away gently by the wind,
In my wavering memories, palid and tranlucent,
There is only my endlessly-flowing tears for recollections of the past
Even should I fall into the darkness that is known as dispair, now,
I will hold on to hope that shines in the future, and
Wish for me, that, for all eternity, this place will never fade
As the needle of the clock moves past midnight,
My unspoken love is torn asunder;
The sound of the bell tolling the end of the day is now
Carried away gently by the wind
Now, pray for me, that I will never awaken from your spell
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For Gensou and Flowers:
*I'm pleased to see that flowers avoided pitfall #1. 'wa' does not mark the subject of the verb, in fact it could be anything. Example from the start of a famous Heian novel: "haru wa yoake de aru" Spring is not the dawn here, what is meant is "In spring, dawn is [the most beautiful time of day]"
*Flowers also caught the second note that I was going to make. 様/様に is used with a request, wish or prayer, to define what the content of the petition is: "Kami-sama, shiawase you ni inotte imasu" "God, I pray that I will have happiness"
*What flowers didn't catch, and I don't really understand why so many amateur translators insist on doing this, is that even though there is no specific subject mentioned, most Japanese sentences :do: have implied subjects, direct/indirect objects, etc, and any native person is going to understand they are there. So leaving them out sounds very unnatural to me. Let me give you a bigger example, from another song by Ayu I've been listening to a lot lately.
目と目あってそして言葉を交わした
胸が高鳴って笑顔で隠した
君を知らなかっ頃に戻りなくなりそうで
In this example, there is only one person mentioned, as a direct object, but it's fairly obvious if you read the whole thing that the characters here are "me" and you". It's not "eye and eye met, then words were exchanged, heart was beating fast, a smile hid it, The time that you were not known seems unreturnable". That's not how Japanese speakers think when they read this. I would translate this as:
Our eyes met, and then we spoke to each other;
My heart was beating fast, but I hid it with a smile
I seem to be reaching the point that I can't go back to when I didn't know you...
A rule of thumb with Japanese lyrics (and with speech as well) is that unless a subject is spoken of or understood from other context, it's probably talking about "me" and "you", unless logic dictates otherwise. If you listen long enough, you'll be able to pick up what the subject is, but don't hide it just because it isn't mentioned.
For Flowers:
*Okay, and just where did you get "flowers" from "華やかな"? The dictionary defines this word as, "gay, showy, brilliant, gorgeous, florid" but I thought "elegant" would be more befitting Mana. XD
*希望と言う名の光り輝く 夢: You translated this as "the light of hope is but a sparkling dream", however, look where the verb for "sparkle/shine" is. If it were modifying "dream" by itself, the space would be after "light" not after "shine". That space is denoting a clause, and is mostly there to let the eye rest, but it normally doesn't happen unless it is seperating a full clause from something else, even if what's on the other side is still being modified by the previous clause.
*Also, I don't understand how you got "midnight" from "貴方". There is another person involved in this story, as the speaker tells early on of his unspoken/silent/unrequieted love. For some reason at midnight he is falling apart over his situaton, and he wants "anata" to save him from it.
Other notes:
*I couldn't think quite how to say it in the body of the translation, but the clock's needle that is mentioned is just past midnight by only a fraction or two. This is made obvious later by the bell that is still tolling as the narrative progresses.
*終わりを告げる 鐘の音: Mana must really like this phrase, I think. XD I was tempted to say the "last bell", that is the final bell before a new day starts (eg, the midnight bell), but I wasn't sure what would suit it best, and I wanted the meaning to be understood more than anything. ^.^;
*この腕で憂い微睡む: I'll admit I don't fully understand what this phrase is. AS near as I can figure he is reaching out his outstretched hand for the veil, because that would be the next logical step in the narrative, but a veil cannot sleep, so I feel uncomfortable about it, but I assumed the next best thing. Perhaps Flowers is correct in his interpretation, except I will point out to him that the last verb is :not: a command, but a stative/future tense, unlike how he translated it.