Random Thoughts: The Next Mutation

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flowersofnight

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Wandering_Fox wrote:
Did anyone else hear about this? A company in Japan is trying to make the word "Fat" cool, and so they have introduced the following sizes into the clothes market: Titch (ちっちゃ, tiny) Skinny, Fat and Jumbo. You can just feel your self esteem soar :|
"But what if I want a medium?"
"There is no medium, only large, extra large, and gigantic"
Ah, the 90s ::meev::

Matilda drove down here with her parents this weekend, and I realized that I have just about nothing suitable for a 2-year-old to play with XD All I had was a little stuffed animal and a puzzle of Japan's prefectures ::meev:: (or as she called it, "the color puzzle")
She knows how to say please now, when she wants something she'll say "May I please have ____"
But if you say that to her, she'll just say "NO" ::meev::
 

MissUMana

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flowersofnight wrote:
She knows how to say please now, when she wants something she'll say "May I please have ____"
But if you say that to her, she'll just say "NO" ::meev::
Your typical 2-year-old. She's doing fine. :)
 

MissUMana

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Wandering_Fox wrote:
Did anyone else hear about this? A company in Japan is trying to make the word "Fat" cool, and so they have introduced the following sizes into the clothes market: Titch (ちっちゃ, tiny) Skinny, Fat and Jumbo. You can just feel your self esteem soar :|
"Jumbo"? Why not "Monstrous"? :mad:
 

faith

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Wandering_Fox wrote:
Did anyone else hear about this? A company in Japan is trying to make the word "Fat" cool, and so they have introduced the following sizes into the clothes market: Titch (ちっちゃ, tiny) Skinny, Fat and Jumbo. You can just feel your self esteem soar :|

I saw the photo a few weeks back and thought it was a printing error or a bad joke. Japan an foreigners who like novelty Japanese things are weird enough sometimes that this might work.


I got back from Belgium and Luxembourg a little while ago and got to see Mimminans!!!!
Vacations are great and all, but it's such a relief to come back to them.
They're my home ::squeeeee::

The Horta museum in Brussels, if you can go to it during it's 14-17h open hours, is really, really fabulous. La Belle Epoque in architecture!

Luxembourg City is boring, but expecially boring on Sunday because even the restaurants and bars in most of the city don't open, nevermind anything else.
We found one Chinese-run store that was open, and one block of restaurants.
There might have been museums, I dunno, but they didn't interest me.
Never go to Luxembourg on a Sunday. Ever.

I'm re-evaluating how bad Paris store hours really are.
 

PureElegance

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Gosh, I was flying to court today in the rain, flying! I was running through the rain and my feet and cute flats became soaked through the puddles. I got there on time, but then we had to wait for two hours for a juror who was late and never showed! He said he was stuck in traffic so we waited in our room for him. I sat there listening and bopping my head to my tavern songs. "Young Edwin in the Lowlands Low" is by far my favorite!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heFpXOjcpkU
74892117.3+edit.jpg

I can't wait to play! You go to different islands in the Caribbean and when you go through different taverns the singers sing these songs! ::squee:: My second favorite is "William Taylor" and "Star of the County Down" is adorable.

I got to see some awesome action. The youngish lawyer looks a bit like Phoenix Wright (black hair moving toward the back, red tie, pale) and I imagined the "OBJECTION!" signs coming up. I heard from two witnesses and what's hard is that there are three lawyers, so three sets of questions, which means three sets of information. It's hard to keep a hold of what's important and discard the less important details. I even imagined it in my head as the Phoenix Wright games and when the witnesses were questioned I pictured red locks and grey chains all over them.
phoenix+wright+ace+attorney+justice+for+all+01.png

Then when the youngish lawyer began his, "Wait (HOLD IT!), but didn't you just testify _________?" and the witness admitted his contradiction I saw the red locks breaking! ::batsu:: It wasn't as dramatic as in the games, but inside I went, "Oh snap!" I also got to see diagrams being drawn and blown up pictures of the scene.

I tortured my dad with tavern songs, but when I saw a debate in the comments section on "Star of the County Down" about Northern Ireland vs. Ireland, the song was made before the separation, I felt a little bummed for some reason. To get my mind off of that I played Assassin's Creed III. I just want to finish it and become the pirate I was meant to be!

I feel as if all of this torture is dragging on partly because it seems as if love is all everyone talks about. The only time I initiated a conversation about it recently was when I was in Ting Ting's apartment weeks ago, and that's because I could trust her. It seems as if every gathering lately, every coffee date, every party, every lunch, comes down to a conversation about love. Either someone asks about who I'm seeing or it becomes the topic of conversation. Most of the time I can't really relate either, haha, since I had a lovely time, I was treated well, and I was very happy. Since that was my most recent experience that's what I have to contribute to these conversations which is a bit sad for me.

When Ting Ting and I talked future lovers and sex, she told me a horror story and I told her one too, without names of course. I felt so bad for my friend, who was used for sex by her cheating boyfriend, he was her first sex partner, and she still feels "dirty" after over a year. I can't even imagine! She told me her story last year, and I felt sad for her. I told Ting Ting that Dan was respectful and understanding with me, affectionate, and made sure I was comfortable, learning what I liked. Ting Ting said that's what a person who cares for you does, and I said Dan told me the same thing, "That's what you do when you care." When learning I'm a virgin he was, I can't use a word other than "great." There was no pressure or guilting for anything, and that's how it should be. I told her to find someone like that and not to settle for anything less. I feel as if it's hard to find good people, but I don't want to go backwards or put up with continual disrespect just to have "something," haha. I have a nerdy heart.

I also remembered telling him, "The Mandate of Heaven is with you!" when he was working on something. I remembered him saying, "So you eat slowly and you don't finish your food," and I said, "Sorry !!" and he said, "No, it's fine, I'm just taking note!" Later he found a place which had a pretty area to sit in because he knew I liked lounging around.

I was nearly falling asleep at one point during cross examination. It was only that point though! Maybe it shows that the attorney's arguments are unconvincing for one such as I.

Anyway, it's as if love is all anyone talks about these days! Whether it's Ting Ting & Laura, Sahel & Shweta, Odera, random encounters with friends, acquaintances, my parents, parents of friends etc the subject always comes up over and over. It's weird, I'm not used to talking about it so often or listening to others talk about it every time I see them. I guess I normally keep it to myself or share with pengyous and the three honorary pengyous. The one time in a while that I brought it up on my own was at Ting Ting's apartment. It's good to share with best friends though! Rumi's mother still bugs me.

The season finale of Cosmos brought tears to my eyes AGAIN. The part I loved the most was about Voyager 1 and Voyager 2, that was beautiful! I'm going to be sad when they finally "die," and they played and showed what was on the golden record. I got emotional with that and also the part when Carl Sagan talked about the pale blue dot. I can't even imagine what's out there... There was a kind of montage of all the scientists we learned about and that was beautiful. I already pre-ordered the DVDs. Okay, back to my tavern songs.

PS: I FOUND MY DAUGHTER.
c4b1c787-a4d0-4737-9089-4c0b259fc700_zps82e2a9da.jpg

OMG look at her! She has to be my daughter. That coat, the bow, the hair, just look at that! ::batsu:: So cute!
 

PureElegance

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Wandering_Fox wrote:
This is just uncanny! Seriously! ::shifty::
Really, right? I would actually dress my daughter that way. She even has my colors on! I remember my friend a while ago said she imagines herself in the future living in a box and me strolling by the box arm in arm with my husband, I'm wearing a long fur coat and I see the box and say, "Is that you, old friend??" Hahahaha, I don't know about that (people have high expectations for me!), but my daughter will dress like the girl in the picture! ::batsu:: IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO~ SHE NEEDS TO HAVE MY AWESOME SENSE OF STYLE~~~

While I was at the alumni event at the MLB Fan Cave (which is a really cool place) I heard a song playing at the underground club that I heard before in a Shanghai video. I thought, "I can't believe this song is playing!" I like to watch Shanghai videos on Youtube, if only to remember that it's real, and the one with that song is a time-lapse video with great views from the World Financial Center along with the rest of Shanghai. That building had one of the best memories of my life! It will no longer be the tallest building in Shanghai, but the views from it are still wonderful and I have it as my iPhone lock screen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv6V0ScA96Q
I don't know why the video chose to focus so much on the financial centers, but it's a really good video. I love the shots of the skyline and the views from the World Financial Center.

Allison and I were talking and she's back in Xi'an after visiting her family in France. She's still suffering from jetlag from her flight with three stop-overs, and I said she should have taken a convoy. She said, "Haha and sang the song to pass the time!" I said it seems like it was only yesterday when I was showing her the song and posting a picture of a truck on her wall, and she said time flies. I remembered her saying the same about how it has been a year since Shanghai. She talked about how I probably couldn't imagine in Shanghai all the things that would happen afterwards, and I know! I bet if you had told me the day I landed about the future I would have thought it unbelievable. I went to see Zhugey in Chengdu, but Shanghai would become an incredible experience, a turning point, and always close to my heart since it was a beautiful time.

Thanks to this past spring I'm no longer despairing, feeling nostalgic in the negative way, speaking about New York badly, but I still miss that time and I've accepted that nothing will be like it again and that type of happiness is now unattainable. The city is there though, all of China is there, and I have to go back. The friend that I don't speak to as often anymore since she was rude said last year that I need to go to "get it out of [my] system," but I don't think she realizes how important China has been to me since I was little. It's not a matter of getting it out of my system, haha. At least I'm no longer unhappy about that, even if I'm a little sad over other events in my life, at least it's no longer related to my not being in China. I feel as if the Shanghai experience has somehow been part of everything in my life though, from love, the books I read, my goals, my confidence, things like that, so it's in my life in a good way.

In Spectral Thinking we talked about how people normally see nostalgia as a negative feeling, but I don't think it is. It can get that way, but it doesn't necessarily have to be and it mainly depends on what you do. I successfully incorporated Shanghai into my life, like Odera noticed earlier this year, and I'm so much better for it. This recent article, "WHY A GREAT WAVE OF NOSTALGIA IS SWEEPING THROUGH CHINA" is really interesting and is basically about peoples' nostalgia for the past, even the socialist past, occurring now.
At the No. 8 Hot Pot Restaurant in Beijing, a school bell rings at 5:30 P.M. sharp. Diners sit at old-style wooden desks rather than tables. The menu is a multiple-choice test. Instead of waiters, there are class monitors, who respond to raised hands. Not everyone can eat here, though. The restaurant is designed exclusively for people born between 1980 and 1989; I.D.s are checked at the door.

“We don’t mean to exclude anyone,” said Yuan Bao, the owner, an affable thirty-two-year-old with long bangs, dressed in cargo pants and a T-shirt with a skull on it. It’s just that “we know we all have similar memories and experiences.” Yuan’s goal is to create a safe space where his patrons can recall a very specific era of childhood innocence. It appears to be working: when the tinny, saccharine strains of a classic children’s song came on the restaurant’s sound system, one twenty-five-year-old diner said that it made her want to cry.
The classroom restaurant is part of a wave of nostalgia sweeping the generation of Chinese born between 1980 and 1989, known in China as baling hou, or “post-eighties.”
I really agree with these lines:
Through nostalgia, the researchers claimed, we bring back to the surface evidence of past triumphs and close relationships, times when our lives felt safe and ordered. Clay Routledge, a psychologist and nostalgia researcher at North Dakota State University, explained, “You’re affirming the self—’I’ve done great things’—which is presumably predictive of the future. ‘I might be uncertain right now, but just look at my past. I’m a likeable person. I’m destined for great things.’ ”
That nostalgia could be a source of mental resilience and motivation directly challenges certain critics’ notion of the sentiment as paralyzing, a harbinger of cultural stagnation. “It’s exactly the opposite,” Constantine Sedikides, a psychologist and nostalgia expert at the University of Southampton, said. “When you become nostalgic, you don’t become past-oriented. You want to go out there and do things.”
I saw this picture again, of Laura and me pedal-boating in Changfeng Park, and I can't believe it happened!
Changfeng Park with Laura
Sometimes I still think about my room there, and I miss it and its windows. I'm still nostalgic, but it's no longer in that terrible way it was in fall. Spring definitely renewed me, even if I do feel ambivalent and sad over other things. I wish I could have told Dan how much he helped me throughout this process by being the way he was, but I never got the chance. I feel a little silly for missing him as much as I do, everything is dead and I am back to no longer "believing"--I'm more positive for others than for myself--but I'm being honest when I say that my moments with him were the first time since Shanghai that I was truly happy. Nothing will ever be Shanghai, but I mostly forgot about that feeling when I was with him, and I saw Manhattan in a different way, along with the landmarks I never paid much attention to. I've lived here for years and it was if I was seeing everything for the first time. Suddenly Manhattan had beautiful moments, the urgency to go to Shanghai lessened, and I felt grounded in the present. I wish I could have told him that.

With photography though I got back my spirit... Now I'm always taking pictures as I wander around different neighborhoods, noticing different buildings, and I love it. I can't tell you how much photography has helped me rediscover this place too. I can't wait to do photography in Peru someday. I don't know, I still find it amazing how confident and happy I still am, even if I'm a bit sad, haha. I really do feel as if I've incorporated Shanghai into my life!

After jury duty ended for the day one of the jurors, an old white man with an earring, looked out the window in the hallway, and asked why the gargoyles' heads on a building outside were cut off. We looked and we didn't know why. I said I'll get on the case and I walked through a tiny park. There was an area full of water, and I wondered if there any fish in it. I went to see, but there was nothing. Then I saw a dead sparrow, my favorite chubby little birds, floating in the water upright so I could only see the top of its head and body. Well I took a lot of photos of that!

I looked up the building and it was built in 1915 and is a NYU dorm. I guess I should have known, oops. There's no information on the building itself though.

Trial was interesting again! It's interesting because I can tell what strategies the lawyers are using to try to discredit the witness, things like that. I'm still forming my opinion, but there's one thing that I'm kind of troubled on although I'm inclined to believe the alleged victim right now. I don't think one of the attorneys for the defendant did a good job this time in cross-examining. Closing statements are still for next week, eek!

This guy made an acapella version of the Ace Attorney song "Cornered," LOL! I'm dying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALhAXtFR1LM
He's my hero. I can't tell you how good the Ace Attorney games are. The storylines, the music, the characters, puzzles, were all great. I have so many fond memories playing that series, finding evidence, cross examining, unlocking psyche locks, traveling, meeting with the detective, going to the detention center, objecting, standing in the lobby, being whipped by Franziska von Karma, and of course finding the contradiction or piece of evidence that blows the whole case open! The songs got so intense and you got excited! You knew when you heard "Cornered" or "Announce the Truth" that you hit on something case-turning! I loved Phoenix Wright and how he always believed in his client even when the situation was bleak.

I loved it when the cross-examination for the trial got heated, when there were multiple objections, haha. We heard an expert witness today too, and oh man! I think one of these days I'm going to get up from my seat and yell:
OBJECTION.gif
 

Wandering_Fox

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So, in a time where many senior pranks walk the fine line between legal and illegal (or sometimes just go flailing over said line into criminal territory) it's nice to see some seniors with creativity. Even though another school did it in 2013, students hired a mariachi band to follow the principal around as a senior prank. This must have been absolutely marvelous to witness. Luckily the principal was a good sport about it, but I bet a big part of that was he was relieved that this was all there was to the prank ::gaku::
 

MissUMana

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Wandering_Fox wrote:
This must have been absolutely marvelous to witness.
That was pretty harmless, and rather nice.
 

PureElegance

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@Fox: I showed "my daughter" to my dad and he said she really does look like me too! He said the coat, the bow, the hair, haha.
OMG, mini rant here. So this was posted to NYU Secrets:
#6195: "During my freshman year, I had a roommate who kept getting into fights with his girlfriend. One night, I came home to find them in a heated argument, and all of a sudden, he started furiously beating her. So many offices on campus got involved in the matter, and I even got moved out of my room because Housing was concerned for my safety. I found out later that this incident wasn't the first time my roommate had abused his girlfriend. Later, I was told that NYU dropped the incident entirely. Today, I learned that they were still together and that he is continuing to abuse her emotionally and physically. Her friends have constantly reprimanded him for his disgusting actions and tried to convince his girlfriend that this is a toxic relationship, but she insists on giving him more chances. We all sincerely hope that she realizes she deserves someone who treats her with love, kindness, and respect."
And this girl, Alexandra Sadikova, says:
What did she do to start it? Couldn't she just leave the fucking relationship? She's the moron for staying, it says a lot about her self esteem.
People, victims too, are arguing against her (rightly so), but she keeps saying these things:

"She's not tied to this man clearly just get the fuck up and leave."
"This is just an excuse for a weak women to keep being weak minded and manipulated."
"It's a shame you were a victim but when you truly a strong willed person there isn't a damn person in this world that could manipulate you into being abused."
"Drew my parents raised me better than to be weak and easily manipulated into an abusive relationship."
"Being naive is being manipulated and getting into abusive relationships. I hope it doesn't upset too much to learn that I'm studying to be a doctor."
"As a girl you should be taught that there are wolves dressed in sheeps clothes to fool you and take advantage of you."
"I have a soft spot for kids not for adults who can't think for themselves."

What's killing me is she's not a troll. I shared the status with my WOMEN'S RIGHTS! friends and we're appalled here. I reached out to the main girl, Morgan, arguing against Alexandra and we've been talking about abusive relationships. She said, "Anyone can be in an abusive relationship! It's not just "weak minded" women. It made me so sad that she said that." She also said:
No woman ever intends to end up in an abusive relationship, but once you develop real feelings for someone it makes it hard to leave.
It never starts out as an abusive relationship. Not only that, but the emotional and physical abuse, the threatening, the promises, children, the dependency that can develop, the isolation, make it so hard to leave. The scary thing is that it can happen to anyone. Not everyone has good parents, good friends, great self-esteem, but even if they did it doesn't automatically make them immune to abusive relationships (or sexual harassment, as I learned first-hand!) I can't stand victim-blaming. We wondered how best to combat abusive relationships/domestic violence in the US, but it's hard, especially since much of it is rooted in gender inequality. Maybe "awareness" and educating women on the signs of potential abusive relationships early on would help. Maybe because I'm hyper-aware of sex discrimination in general, I study domestic violence, I've seen Lifetime movies since I was a child, my parents drilled all of these things into my head, I'm more aware of the signs and patterns. I have a low tolerance for repetitive disrespect already so I don't know how I'd react, I don't know. I know it's also easy to put oneself in denial.

I wish everyone would watch Leslie Morgan Steiner's "Why Domestic Violence Don't Leave" talk on TED.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo
A piece:
I don't look like a typical domestic violence survivor. I have a B.A. in English from Harvard College, an MBA in marketing from Wharton Business School. I've spent most of my career working for Fortune 500 companies including Johnson & Johnson, Leo Burnett and The Washington Post. I've been married for almost 20 years to my second husband and we have three kids together.

So my first message for you is that domestic violence happens to everyone -- all races, all religions, all income and education levels. It's everywhere. Over 85 percent of abusers are men, and domestic abuse happens only in intimate, interdependent, long-term relationships, in other words, in families, the last place we would want or expect to find violence, which is one reason domestic abuse is so confusing.

I would have told you myself that I was the last person on Earth who would stay with a man who beats me, but in fact I was a very typical victim because of my age. I was 22, and in the United States, women ages 16 to 24 are three times as likely to be domestic violence victims as women of other ages, and over 500 women and girls this age are killed every year by abusive partners, boyfriends, and husbands in the United States.
I was also a very typical victim because I knew nothing about domestic violence, its warning signs or its patterns. (...)

If you had told me that this smart, funny, sensitive man who adored me would one day dictate whether or not I wore makeup, how short my skirts were, where I lived, what jobs I took, who my friends were and where I spent Christmas, I would have laughed at you, because there was not a hint of violence or control or anger in Conor at the beginning. I didn't know that the first stage in any domestic violence relationship is to seduce and charm the victim.

I also didn't know that the second step is to isolate the victim. Now, Conor did not come home one day and announce, "You know, hey, all this Romeo and Juliet stuff has been great, but I need to move into the next phase where I isolate you and I abuse you" — (Laughter) — "so I need to get you out of this apartment where the neighbors can hear you scream and out of this city where you have friends and family and coworkers who can see the bruises." (...)
The next step in the domestic violence pattern is to introduce the threat of violence and see how she reacts. (...)

Despite what had happened, I was sure we were going to live happily ever after, because I loved him, and he loved me so much. And he was very, very sorry. He had just been really stressed out by the wedding and by becoming a family with me. It was an isolated incident, and he was never going to hurt me again.
I really do think part of the "solution" is knowing about the patterns. There's just so much to battle here! What my mom would do was have me watch Lifetime movies when I was little about abused women who would eventually get killed and my parents made me promise that I'd never let anyone treat me that way. It's sad a little girl would have to learn about these things, but it's best to teach them while they're young. I don't think there's any use sugar-coating it or not wanting to have a potentially awkward conversation or thinking "she's too young!" No! I also learned about drug trafficking, jails in Latin America, other things, that's for another time, but you can say I've been aware of a lot since I was tiny and I'm happy about that.
The other question everybody asks is, why doesn't she just leave? Why didn't I walk out? I could have left any time. To me, this is the saddest and most painful question that people ask, because we victims know something you usually don't: It's incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser. Because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is kill her. Over 70 percent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, after she's gotten out, because then the abuser has nothing left to lose. Other outcomes include long-term stalking, even after the abuser remarries; denial of financial resources; and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim and her children, who are regularly forced by family court judges to spend unsupervised time with the man who beat their mother. And still we ask, why doesn't she just leave?
YES.
I told Morgan of two recent cases I learned. One was a girl who was in a happy relationship with a guy for two years. He went to Columbia to get his Masters degree, and he moved to New York. That's when he began getting jealous, asking her where she was at all times, etc. She decided to break up with him because of that. He returned and she found him twice in her bedroom, even after she changed the locks. She found he had hacked into her computer. Then she found a videocamera on her bookshelf looking at her bed,and one in her bathroom. She moved houses and the police called saying he was in her house. She arrived to see her house surrounded by cops and him coming out with his hands in the air. She was lucky she made it out alive since in the next two cases both girls were killed. Morgan said it was terrifying, also because it happened later on when it ended. You never know!

Then this lady married a man. They were happy, everything was great, etc. She told him she was pregnant, and he was angry about that. He told her to get an abortion, but she didn't want to. After that, he became controlling over her little by little. When she was four months pregnant he took her out, as if going on a date, and killed her with a hammer.

While typing all of this and pondering sexual violence I'm listening Smooth McGroove's acapella version of the Kirby theme, "Green Greens." He makes great acapella versions! This is my new theme song. So cute!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3rA3kGY4t8
It makes me kind of nostalgic!

Bad Hostess and I were talking about feminism in relationships and being guilted for dating a "white man." I've never been guilted, but she has (she's Asian) and it's as if people will not let you be and will remind you that you're dating A WHITE MALE, as if you have a motive or are doing it deliberately. She met her boyfriend because they both worked at the same store shifts and it was never a plan for her. She said romance can just happen, and I know. It's not as if she even finds all white males attractive, and I know. In the end she stops caring. As for myself, I put my personal happiness when it comes to love over what others think, haha. Besides, looks can only get you so far but the personality and circumstance is what keeps it going.

Bad Hostess said she's fine with a bit of chivalry from her lovers because she knows its not being done because the guy thinks she's weak or a lesser being. I completely agree! In Shanghai I felt slightly guilty over it (even over my enjoyment towards someone taking a bit of the lead), but I accepted it can be a good thing for me.
We talked about "women" jokes and anything chauvinistic we've seen in potential relationships/relationships. I told her, in a lapse of judgement and period of deprivation, I became physically attracted to a friend and we talked more often. I realized right away I didn't like his attitude towards women. I won't go on about all the things he did, but I realized right away he was a bit chauvinistic, especially when it came to his views on feminism, relationships, etc. His jokes about women and feminists weren't good and instead of laughing I felt as if I had to educate him. I hated his assumptions about feminists. I knew entertaining the thought of hanging out with him would be going against everything I believed in so I stopped talking to him. He also had these expectations for how I'd act because we were both Latino. His one attempt at being a "gentleman" made me annoyed. The entire thing lasted only three weeks (he'd be after me for months though), but it didn't take me long at all to see how much I didn't like him!

I said I can tolerate jokes when I know the guy doing it isn't actually a pig and the things aren't bad. I used to make them with Strickland and Kevin in Shanghai, and it was fun. I'm not even going to repeat them because they're awful, haha! Dan would make "Am I right, fellas?" jokes and they made me laugh because I knew he was teasing. When I told him about my being a big women's rights nerd he told me about how there is only one woman in his office full of older and old men and I said there needs to be more women! He said that the men (he's the only young one) always complain, well maybe complain isn't the right word, but they're always going on about, "Ugh I have to see my wife later" or "I have to buy something for my girlfriend" in front of the girl and she always feels awkward. I said, "Isn't that complaining? What other word for that is it? :P" We were walking down the street and he didn't answer until he said, "Yeah, you're right." Another night cuddling we joked about sexually harassing each other.

*bops to Green Greens*
 

Wandering_Fox

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^ I know I've seen pictures of you in nearly that exact same outfit~ If you ever meet her, you should get a picture together, especially if you're wearing the same thing! Or go up to her and say, "I'm you from the future. Here, let me give you a collection of Chinese literature. Trust me, these will be invaluable."

And I can't stand it when people say, "Not being able to leave an abusive relationship show's that you're weak". It's obvious anyone who says that has never actually been in on that is mentally and physically abusive and has no idea what it's like. I've never been in that situation myself, but I have a very good friend who has and we talked about it in length after the fact and it's still very hard to process. It's just mind blowing what is running through your mind and what you are tricked (or trick yourself) into believing.
 

PureElegance

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Wandering_Fox wrote:
^ I know I've seen pictures of you in nearly that exact same outfit~ If you ever meet her, you should get a picture together, especially if you're wearing the same thing! Or go up to her and say, "I'm you from the future. Here, let me give you a collection of Chinese literature. Trust me, these will be invaluable."
LOOOOOOOOOOL. I don't even know what to say because that was perfect.

And I can't stand it when people say, "Not being able to leave an abusive relationship shows that you're weak". It's obvious anyone who says that has never actually been in on that is mentally and physically abusive and has no idea what it's like. I've never been in that situation myself, but I have a very good friend who has and we talked about it in length after the fact and it's still very hard to process. It's just mind blowing what is running through your mind and what you are tricked (or trick yourself) into believing.
Of course! Since it never starts out as an abusive relationship you develop feelings and you know, you tend to make excuses or rationalize things and controlling behavior... and that's only one part of it! It often happens subtly at first and then grows over time without you realizing it. Even when it gets to the physical point one can rationalize it because he will ALWAYS say he's sorry, give him a chance, it was just that one time, he didn't know what he was doing, etc. Since abusive relationships are long ones, with an initial happy courtship, there will be that willingness to forgive.

With the pregnant woman who was killed with a hammer her husband was romantic at first. While they were dating moved to Orlando to hopefully work for Disney as an animator, and he surprised her by going there on motorcycle and showing up at her front door with flowers. He proposed shortly after in a sweet way.

Then he asked her to move somewhere else in Florida with him because he'll have better job opportunities. She wanted to work in art at Disney, but she decided to do this for him so they moved.

She was surprised and sad that he was angry for her getting pregnant, and she didn't want an abortion. She told close ones about his reaction. He then became controlling slowly because it never starts out in a big, obvious way. It started with how she wore her make up to things such as him not wanting her to go out with her friends (isolation!) He'd say things like, "I just don't want you possibly getting hurt" and she thought this was sweet so she relented time after time until it grew. Then she was killed with a hammer.

Sometimes a woman will confuse the "fighting" or his issues with how a relationship should be, as if it were a normal part. I'm not saying a relationship will always be perfect and happy, it will always require work and there will be ups and downs, but in many cases the woman will rationalize abuse as being part of a "down," something to work on, something she can help him with, and sometimes will blame herself.

My friend Aisha in Shanghai, who I met earlier this week for lunch, has a strange boyfriend. Those days in Shanghai when we studied together in the lounge he would constantly call her and I even wrote a long post about it here because it was weirding me out. He'd ask why she wasn't in her room, who was she with, tell him their names, he wants her in her room, when she kept telling him she was trying to study. She then told me he's controlling, but "we're working on it."

I just can't imagine being interrogated like that all the time >_< I understand checking in and having exchanges such as, "I just got out of work, what are you up to?" "Photography adventuring!" but I can't imagine being asked or asking someone, "Who are you with? Why aren't you home? Talk to me!"


Shannen asked me if I knew Sam, and I said of course, he went to Shanghai with us. She didn't really talk to him there, and I said he was in my Chinese class and was my partner for the project where we had to interview random people in Chinese. He was always teasing me and he was like an older brother.

He had a smooth British voice and he was a ladies' man. I could tell what he was like after a few days of talking to him, haha. His main love in Shanghai became Rachel, who I met on the flight to Shanghai. Once he spilled my orange juice (one of my "favorite things") all over the floor and on top of my papers, and he thought I was going to kill him and cleaned it all up. He was the worst in pronouncing Mandarin and singing in Mandarin. We then were paired up for the project. One of my funniest moments in Shanghai was us interviewing the random ECNU student with him. The student asked me if I danced hip hop, and since I just wanted to continue I said yes, I go to hip hop clubs. Sam turned the camera to his face and did the arched-eyebrow look. I repeated that I do hip hop dancing and he again made the look. I didn't realize he did that until I reviewed the film afterwards. He thought I was awesome for dressing up like DAVY JONES! I asked Shannen why.

She said he's actually in her industry group at Bank of America. I said, "You're at Bank of America too??" It seems as if all of my friends are there, haha. She said Lily the Supreme Fan Dance Coach, who is in capital markets, and Aisha are there too.

She said Lily told her Lord Phil and Jessica are fighting lately.

Shannen also said she's there working from 9am to midnight and her lunches are 20 minutes long and unpredictable.

This was the best exchange ever between Shannen and I:

S: I'm just leaving work now... Life is hard.
A: You've been neglecting me.
S: Yo I've been working.
A: I'm not feeling loved. I know you have to pay the bills, but think of your family at home.
S: I know, I know.
A: I keep the house clean for you and all I get is you coming home late day after day.
S: Sorry I'm a moneyed businessman.


I've noticed that my loves and my friends since Shanghai have been involved in finance in some way or another, haha. They're all working or interning at banks and have intense schedules! Most of the Shanghai nerds are in the business school or are doing business or politics. Dan happened to be in investment stuffs and studying for the last part of the CFA. He woke up early and took a practice test to see where he was at and thought he didn't do so well, but he'll improve.
http://www.businessinsider.com/mba-vs-cfa-2013-4
http://www.moneycrashers.com/chartered- ... ents-exam/
I don't know why I complained about the LSAT ::meev:: But he said I'll be taking the bar exam eventually so I'll have a tough test coming up, but I don't think it'll be as bad as that! I'm not sure which of my friends are going to take that later on too.

Through everyone I feel like I'm learning a lot of "finance stuff" XD

I told Odera that all my parties lately have become weird, bad, not going to plan, or half-weird and I don't know why. I have two parties, one later today, one tomorrow with Shweta and Sahel, and I am determined to have fun and dance away. Of course as I was thinking that I cut the sole of my foot and it's stinging. No, I AM DETERMINED.
 

PureElegance

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My first party and it was good for the most part ::meev::

We went to one of the bars Serena, Aaron, and I checked out last week. It took a while for it to fill up with dancing peeps, but we were finally able to get into the crowded dance room and dance comfortably.

We danced for a while and had fun, but we kept getting approached by guys and we danced with them while remaining in our circle.

For hours we danced and it was nice, but then my friends disappeared and I didn't know where they were. So I stood around inside the dance floor texting them, but the entire time I got approached by several guys wanting to dance with me. I texted, "I'M SURROUNDED BY MEN." I danced with a few, but I wasn't really into it. One guy, Wan Hsi, was fun though, but I don't know. He's been texting me, but I don't feel a little excited.

It was winding down and a few British guys and Joseph went outside with me and asked if I wanted to come along. Joseph had been after me all night and I decided to be more active for one time, so I can say, "Well I did *something* and didn't just stand there" and go along with them walking. One was a lawyer, the other a huge feminist (he's so awesome) and animator for the UN (?), and Joseph was I don't know what. Quickly I realized that I wasn't into Joseph at all, I found his friends more interesting. It was a little awkward, but I went along with them to a pizza place. Joseph and I went off on our own walking and by that point I was entertaining myself by asking him questions. He found me a taxi and we said it was nice to meet each other and I left. I thought, "Oh brother XD."

I came home wondering why I was not enjoying myself at parties as much since April. They had either gone terribly wrong (Sahel's), ended strangely (the formal), changed entirely (Rumi's), became a long discussion on love (Theresa and Rumi's), did not go according to plan the one time I did want to dance with someone (Le Bain), and at this last one was good until I was overloaded with men and the one I thought "Fine why not" with was uninteresting (Maryanne). I know I wasn't my happiest last fall, but that had more to do with my Shanghai nostalgia than anything else and I went to parties to relieve my sadness temporarily.

I wondered why that night at The Globe was so much fun. Shweta's party was a blast before that. The Met party, Taylor's party, Corina's party, Erica's party were all fun too. Perhaps that night was great because it was unexpected and I wanted to dance with someone, sitting there actually wishing to God for it because I didn't want to keep sitting down, and that's when Dan came. I didn't know why he did everything I liked, why I felt amazing, why I became coy, why we danced and kissed for hours, why I was so carefree. I can't even believe I said, "Oh, I don't know..." when he said, "Leave with me." We had that whole, "You're leaving??" "I really have to go!" exchange. When he asked me again afterwards I said, "If I don't go with my friends then I'll never go home!" I don't know where that came from, so naturally. When I told Shannen he had me against the wall at one point, at one point holding both my hands above my head with one of his, she said, "That's so great because you love that!" I know! He also spun me around and held me close to kiss me or my forehead and we also danced just holding hands while talking. I gave him my number, but I didn't expect to hear from him ever again and I didn't mind that because I didn't care. I was just having fun and it was not something I did often. In the taxi on the way to the first date I told my friend I couldn't believe this was happening, haha, this was our third time meeting but it already seemed as if we've come a long way. And that was only the beginning of it all. I don't know why first date was wonderful, everything flowed, why he was a gentleman, nerdy, funny, open, understanding, and at the most basic silly level was that Caucasian male wearing a suit.

I went to my dad and he asked what's up. I said I don't know, I don't know why I'm not enjoying myself at parties as much since April. I said I know part of it is me, but part of it has to do with external circumstances I can't really control. I'm not sure why. I feel as if I'm more sensitive to men approaching me, the consequences, who I dance with, because look at what happened with Dan, it turned into something almost unbelievable by pure chance. But I feel as if every party now I keep getting approached by men, so many, and it has become distracting. I hadn't gotten physical with anyone since April and the one time I did kiss someone my friends' phones were stolen. The one time I did want to dance with someone this other guy came out of nowhere and took me away. At times I just want to have fun with my friends at parties like I used to and not think about guys. And if I do have fun with a guy, just have fun and no strange experience.

He said maybe I've changed, and I think I have. I've changed in a way I'm not sure of, as if I've been touched by something that won't go away. I said I don't know, but I've been feeling this way since April. He said, "I think you miss Dan." ... I DO. How awful, how awful, because it is true, I can't believe I'm still feeling this way even now. It's like an underlying feeling I get. I even get annoyed for letting myself be that happy with him. I'm trying to forget him, doing everything I did before, but instead all I remember is how good it was during the Spring and I don't understand why. Even little things such as a waitress asking if we wanted any more food and him stroking my hair and saying, "No, I think we're fine." My dad said, "And you know what? I miss Dan too. You were so happy and more energetic."

He also said that after being hurt some people decide to find someone they're comfortable with, but don't love. He's met people who have said, "He's a good man, but I don't love him" or "I don't have the flame I had for ___, but this is good." Since they don't want to be hurt they'll find someone who is good to them, who helps them have a comfortable life, but they don't love. I said, "I never want to be like that O.O" I did say that Jessica seems to always describe Lord Phil that way. He said it'll take some time for me, but I just want these feelings to go away already!

Anyway, I'm going to Shweta's housewarming party with Sahel at her apartment! I'm bringing doughnuts and oreo cupcakes. ::batsu:: Shweta got a studio at that park with the black lampposts that I never learned the name of, haha. It's not Battery Park, but a park near it by the river on the west side. You can enter it through the Irish Hunger Memorial, which is this large rock with grass all over it, and you can climb the zig zag stairs to the top. It sort of looks like a graveyard, with that kind of dead grass and unmarked tombstones, and it's an interesting experience. You can see the Statue of Liberty from the river, and it's really pretty. There are rows of black lampposts by the river and if photographed in black and white during the daytime they look even more dramatic. But at night they're only pretty and lighting up the water nearby in yellowish white light.

She showed me the view from her window and it's so pretty! I can't wait to see these girls again, even if Shweta is a weirdo.

Laura and I were talking about The Lego Movie and we found the music box version of "Everything is Awesome."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jc0GBJQKDE
I think music box versions of even the nerdiest songs make them sound nostalgic! BRB *gets tissues* That movie is adorable, like the Youtube person who posted it said, haha. Everything is awesome, everything is cool when you're part of a team~
 

PureElegance

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Whenever I'm sad I think about my time in Shanghai. Before Dan poofed I added pictures to my iphone that were all from Shanghai because I wanted to show him some next time I saw him. When he poofed I deleted all of our pictures from dates, but left my Shanghai ones. I don't think that time can ever be doubted, interpreted in a negative way, perhaps be a lie. I feel as if I have a problem expressing my feelings fully sometimes because of the weird problems. My dad pointed that out today, that I'm becoming similar to my mother and I really don't want that. I'm sad because I know I was not able to express my feelings fully at times with Dan when I had the chance because I was still a bit shy, afraid, and overwhelmed, but it is too late now to do anything. One can say to save it for the next guy, that Dan was not worth it, but that won't really ease my mind.

I told Ting Ting when I'm sad lately not only do I think of Shanghai, but I'll also think of my time with Dan even if it is foolish. I told her it was the first time since Shanghai that I was truly happy. It wasn't only because I was in love, but he treated me well, took care of me, was considerate and supportive, and was a big nerd, a bit shy too. Well, I hope all of it was sincere. It's silly because he obviously suddenly does not want me and was weird about it, but I was very happy during that time with him so I remember.

I told Ting Ting about my parties lately, haha. I said I go to parties to dance, but all these guys lately, gosh. I just want to dance and not think about that. She heard about how Rumi's party was, that it was strange. I know! I don't want to talk about love all night long. I just want to dance at my parties, concentrating on my friends, and not keep getting interrupted by guys. It was too much the other night, but I also know that I've changed as well although I'm not sure in what way. I feel as if I'm having a series of revelations about myself lately. I have no expectations about meeting someone, but all I want to do is dance and have a nice time without thinking about guys or love.

Shweta's party was so nice though! No one ate my cupcakes, but my doughnuts were a hit. She has a really nice view of the water! We first had a little picnic on the terrace. I liked it because I met some nice girls, we sat around the apartment talking about fun things, what we want to do in the future, and we were pretty silly. One girl works for CBS as an associate producer for 48 Hours, and she thinks I'm off to great things. She was really cool and I liked that she said she won't move to Japan for her boyfriend, haha. He's doing the JET program for a year and everyone's asking her if she's moving and she said, "And leave my life? YEAH RIGHT." We were washing dishes and organizing them. It was so nice and I was laughing a lot!

YEAH~

We also decided to walk by the river. It was nighttime and everyone thought it was so pretty. I was walking down the steps in my usual black coat, it was windy, and I saw the black lampposts. Rosita said, "Look it's the Statue of Liberty!" I took some pictures for myself of the way it looked, and we talked about how pretty it all was. It's such a pretty area, with benches and plants, but I don't think it has a name. It's just a place by the river. We passed by the Irish Hunger Memorial and it was full of colorful flowers and tall green grass! Time really has passed. I'll need to come again to take pictures.

We then walked to where Alexander Hamilton is buried and I said, "He's so sexy."

Happy Father's Day ::meev::
 

Wandering_Fox

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My grandmother gave me a stuffed dog when I was two (the moment I received it is my first memory) and it came with a little blue bone with white polka-dots. I lost the bone a LONG time ago but I still have the dog and he sits on my bed, still wearing his original clothes, even though they've all but deteriorated by now.

I know how you feel about being out of the country though; when I was in Japan it was the same kind of thing. Any issues you have back home are literally thousands of miles away and you don't have to think about anything until you get home. Every time I go back to Japan I feel like that. There are obviously other issues to face abroad, but they all feel a lot less permanent than any issues you have back in your own country for whatever reason.

PureElegance wrote:
We then walked to where Alexander Hamilton is buried and I said, "He's so sexy."

Especially now, 210 years later :D

FP11209P-170x255.jpg
 

PureElegance

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Wandering_Fox wrote:
My grandmother gave me a stuffed dog when I was two (the moment I received it is my first memory) and it came with a little blue bone with white polka-dots. I lost the bone a LONG time ago but I still have the dog and he sits on my bed, still wearing his original clothes, even though they've all but deteriorated by now.
My grandma gives us shirts with beer logos and armpit stains along with torn up purses ::meev::
Especially now, 210 years later :D
Tell me about it!

I was walking to Fedex when I got a text from someone I met at Maryanne's party asking me out for drinks tomorrow night. My initial reaction was really weird and conflicted. It wasn't good. I know some people would say "Gooo see what happens," but I've never been that type of person. I don't like doing these things for "fun." It also didn't help that I was listening to "I see the light" while I was contemplating my answer. I stood in line at Fedex and I sighed while looking out the window. With Dan there was no question about saying yes and that first date was beautiful.

I remembered arriving, seeing him in a light pink Ralph Lauren button down collar shirt with his sleeves rolled up with jeans, and we walked quickly towards each other until the doorman asked to get my coat. He had our table ready. He had never gone to this restaurant, but he heard it was really good. When we saw the plush sofa free up we both went right away with our plates and drinks so we could be closer together. We were both a little shy and awkward sometimes, but we still talked for hours, bonded over pirates, kissed at the red light, and went ice-skating. He made me laugh, we talked about our lives, I teased him while he nudged me, and we cuddled. I had a good feeling while watching him pay the tab. I still remember him pulling me along by the hand while skating, him being nerdy, asking if I was okay and teasing me, saying he was getting the hang of it. I thought everything was so pretty and I never saw New York like that. There was hardly anyone around, it was quiet, and it was lovely. I was a bit amazed and I asked if he could wait so I can take a picture of the fountain. When I finished I turned, he was waiting, then gave me another kiss. Panda earmuffs.

d8d9303b-09bb-408a-aa11-fc3666f5f89d_zpsae5a9f5c.jpg


He teased me over how much better he was at ice-skating than me. We kept blaming each other for the sparks every time we kissed until a police officer came around and told us we need to go because the park was closing, haha.

I was having a "moment" remembering this while in line at Fedex. I suppose I still get emotional when I hear "And it's like the sky is new. And it's warm and real and bright and the world has somehow shifted. All at once everything looks different now that I see you." I didn't understand why I was still feeling this way after all this time. I feel as if I should be thinking I'm so much better off, as I have in the past, but for some reason I can't. Maybe it's because I know he was always good to me, always the gentleman, always the nerd. Things didn't change from the first date. We would go over how we first met. He was thoughtful and supportive, even sitting through Chinese communist songs, talking about my photos, and learning how to be a better LGBTQ* ally. We talked about so many things. We both said we'd try to be more like Unikitty. We were both a bit shy and awkward at times. I was so overwhelmed by how good he was to me. I don't really understand the ending. Still, I would have thought by now, with everything going on, I would have forgotten about him. Instead I feel as if I appreciate the time more, who he was, and I keep remembering him. I'm not sure how I'm going to get out of this.

While at the Food Emporium I told Maryanne about this guy. Maryanne said it sounds like I don't want to go out with him. I said I met him at her party and we danced for a short time, we didn't kiss or anything, and I don't know. He seems nice, but I never felt any physical attraction or curiosity about him and I didn't notice when he didn't text me for a day. He's a Taiwanese founder of a startup that's doing well and he's in his mid 30s. He seems nice enough. Even if he was nice I knew he wasn't my type and I know I was exhibiting a little bit of rebound behavior and being against who I was by even thinking of saying yes. While looking for bananas I thought, "Uh oh, I'm having a Mrs. Dalloway moment."

I went home and after putting away the groceries I said to my dad, "Dad, help!" He was watching the terrible defeat of Spain by our enemy Chile. He asked what happened and I said this guy asked me out for drinks but I don't know, I feel weird about it. I don't really like him much or feel physically attracted. I said I'm sure some would say I should see what happens and go, but I don't know. My dad said, "You always had high standards and now you're going to go out with someone just to go out with them. You were never like everyone else." I said with Dan there was no question about whether I would go out with him, and he said, "That's when you feel it and you know." He said, "When you want something you've always been sure about it. You didn't even tell us about Dan." All of what he said is true! Before Dan ever asked me out on a date I already knew I'd say yes. I only said I'd have to check my schedule later so I wouldn't seem over-eager and I had photography homework, but I knew I'd go. As luck would have it photography class was cancelled so I was in all ways free. There was never any question about it or weird feelings. There was also no hesitation to kiss him or to go home with him. I guess when you know you know.

So hours later I texted the guy saying I wouldn't be able to make it.

Jury duty ended and I miss it already! My fellow jurors and I bonded over the long delays, the waiting times, everything, haha. The judge bought us doughnuts. We had a really good time getting to know each other, and I snapped some candid shots every day so I can remember this time. The aspiring actor never came and he was replaced by the alternate, an old retired woman who sometimes dozed off during testimony, and I'd nudge her. The old man with an earring's name was Neil. Lauren the student, Imogene the school teacher, Girard the I Don't Know What, Brandon the Something Married Man, and Adela the Nerd.

In the end we voted in favor of the defendant although we felt really bad for the plaintiff, a 78 year old woman. The thing about law is you can't let emotions get in the way, usually the answer is "it depends," and you need to see if each side proved their case. There were grey areas, but the plaintiff's lawyer didn't really prove things happened the way they did. This was similar to a criminal case where you didn't have the body or the weapon or even pictures of the scene of the crime when it happened. It was a lot of circumstantial evidence!

Anyway, I learned a lot about the law and how it all works and I loved that! I also liked our long lunch breaks so I could explore the area, haha. I went to Chinatown to get steamed buns and I went all the way to the Irish Hunger Memorial on a beautiful day. The weather has been so nice lately! The water, the lampposts, the flowers looked great. I took a ton of pictures and I took a brochure and learned about the native Irish flora growing all over the memorial. I don't know why I didn't take one the last time I was there. I climbed all the way to the top of the path and it overlooks the river. I can't say how pretty it all is!

look at this flower omg
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I'm going to miss jury duty. It was fun, the people with me were really nice, and it was an interesting point of view. I wasn't planning on doing an internship, but I ended up in court anyway. I told Ting Ting I can't escape my fate.

Whenever I see Teen Mom or Sixteen and Pregnant an interesting argument comes up with each couple. The girl usually stays home to take care of the baby while her boyfriend or husband, who is usually 17 or 18, finds a job. The job is a low wage one in their area, such as a welder, waiter, driver, mechanic, etc. It's usually a manual labor type and it's not a lot of money.

The guy comes home and he either doesn't help with the baby, fools around (XBOX, fishing, etc), or he does help. In most cases the guy will not help.

She complains that he's not helping around at all (which is true), he's making her do all of the work with the baby while she's also trying to study, and he's spending his money on dumb things instead of on what they need. In one case, the guy spent $1000 on an old truck he didn't need because he liked it.

The guy gets upset, yelling, saying he works all day to provide, isn't that enough? Why can't he spend the money he earns on what he wants?

I think the gender dynamics are interesting because every single guy has said the same things. He feels that going to work is enough and he doesn't need to do anything once he comes home. One guy said "That's your job, to be at home and take care of the baby." While I think it's partly immaturity on the guys' side, I do feel as if there is some underlying gender problem. I am a nerd and GOD I hope I never am in that situation ::meev::
 

flowersofnight

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I'm FINALLY getting that boiler replaced this morning, it only took like a month of waiting -_- What was this clown going to do if that was my only source of hot water and I was just freezing in the dark? ::hora::

Passed the 90% mark in Pantacle last night, success is so close I can taste it ::batsu::
Rumor has it that they're re-releasing "Teens Pantacle" this year XD
 

Wandering_Fox

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It doesn't get much more random than this: A giant (just about) 30 foot fall, 8 ton statue of Marilyn Monroe from The Seven Year Itch was found in the trash in China. I really hope someone from one of those Hoarders-type shows gets it... It would be the greatest accessory to any lawn! :D (Beats the heck out of lawn gnomes, anyway ::hora:: )
 
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