Not to be a bummer, but I don't know why it's considered as the country of romance either. If I had to place a city as the most romantic I'd have to say NYC actually. Shanghai's just good for everything in general, but if I had to associate NYC with something it would be that. I suppose it's because of what Jasmine said a while ago that I think is true. I haven't really had an inkling of love for this city until romance came into the picture and I still get the feeling that much of what's around here is the best for people in love, but that's only my opinion. Or at the very least to share with someone. Going to museums and parks on your own every time isn't always fun. It's just that this island, even though it's small, is concentrated with so many restaurants, bars, clubs, shows, plays, little parks, coffee places, random activities, different neighborhoods, along with the two rivers and most of it is convenient to get to with a subway or a cab. Or you can walk from place to place. Sometimes when I take a taxi to somewhere downtown I think, "Wow, we actually walked all the way down here?"MissUMana wrote:Romance? Only foreigners think of France as the country of romance, not us.
At the same time though Laura and Ting Ting said that since it's so urban and so easy to meet people and go on quick dates people have the tendency to think more quickly about things being greener on the other side, people being replaceable, it's easier to lose connections, and there are more creeps involved.
Shweta asked me what's a very New York thing to do. I said as a joke, "A horse carriage ride in Central Park!" She laughed, but asked me for a suggestion. I said, "Rooftop lounges?" She said they already did that. She's dating someone named Aseem, but she knows it'll end soon. She's already planning for it. So I said, "Coffee dates..." That was it! It's kind of funny that people think that one has to be Carrie Bradshaw or a trust fund child to go on coffee dates with friends.
After Laura said she didn't want to find love at a party because it begins superficially (I said, "Hey!") she said she figures love will happen when it's meant to happen. I said, "You believe in that 'if it's meant to be' and 'if it's meant to happen' stuff?" She said no, so I wondered why she'd say it. I was thinking about that saying for other areas in life, and I wondered how much I believe in that. Sometimes I think it's easy to say, to relinquish responsibility over certain events, but sometimes I feel as if some things are actually meant to be and since I believe in God, shouldn't I have faith in the plan? I know that what I lost to a certain degree last fall was my faith in the future and the ability to have hope for even the smallest things. For some odd reason I would have thought I'd be even worse off now, but for some reason I'm not and I'm not even at that low level. I actually think my faith in things being okay got higher. I can't even fully convince myself to be as depressed as I was last year, but at times though it does get to me.
I told Laura that if it's one thing I've noticed over the course of my life it's that I never learn a lesson the hard way even when I take risks and when I slip up. I'm not sure why, but somehow I get lucky or save myself, someone swoops in to help, or I end up in a situation better than I expected or things just happen to work out in my favor. I don't know why. Or I learn from others or from others not treating me well.
Whenever problems occur outside of my control that affect me though are lessons for me. The other day I told Ting Ting that at least all of this was teaching me not to be this way with my own family in the future. When I was little I learned not to take anger out on others and to be calm through Zhugey and through what I saw, to have my finances in order, to not hit anyone, to be patient, to be a good friend, I upheld loyalty as the best value, etc. In high school one thing I learned was never to cheat on my future husband. It's not as if I had done any of those bad things, but I was affected and that's how I learned. I can't even be rude to a stranger because I'll feel guilty for it years afterwards, and I still feel that way for that one time at Subway! I was being guilted for being "such a decent person" the other day, as if it were a bad thing.
Anyway, things just happen to work out for me even when I slip up and people have always said that I'm a "lucky girl." I don't know why, but it just happens that way and I've noticed it over time. Corinne said I have a habit of making my dreams come true and that was really nice of her to say! I'm really looking forward to seeing her on Tuesday.
"'Journey to the West' characters storm through streets to pick up trash, make world better"
http://shanghaiist.com/2014/07/03/journ ... -trash.php
When Shweta talked about Aseem I knew she wasn't as even quietly excited about him as she was about Cobblestone. In the end Cobblestone told her that he's uncomfortable with her taking initiative and he's uncomfortable with her having a busy life. He wants someone who isn't doing as much so he can always take care of her. Egad. He wasn't even mad or breaking up with her, he just told her that while they were walking.
I wonder what will be my fate now after hearing my friends' date horror stories time and time again. Do I really have to go through bad and weird dates now like everyone else?? As they were talking I found a website called "A Bad Case of the Dates" where men and women post their bad date stories.
http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/
It's pretty epic and horrifying at the same time, haha.
The way my date had been planned with Roland, we were supposed to go to a local petting zoo (that I hadn't visited since I was a little kid) and then do dinner.
Roland had other plans, though. While we met at the petting zoo and had a pretty good time there, when we were about ready to go to dinner, he said, "Could we make a pit stop before we eat?"
"Sure. Where?"
"Just follow me. I promise it won't take long."
I followed him to a police station. He parked his car, got out, and lit up a cigarette.
"What are we doing here?" I asked him.
He said, "I have some way overdue speeding tickets. They're probably going to arrest me. I guess I wanted you here for moral support."
I had no idea what to say other than, "Good luck."
He offered me a cigarette and I declined. He straightened out his clothes and strode into the station. I was back in my car and about to pull away when he ran out of the station waving his arms in my direction. He ran up to my car and said, "Good news! They're just fining me. Let me take care of this and then we can go to dinner."
Twenty minutes later, he emerged from the station and made for his car without even looking at me. Assuming we were still going to dinner, I followed him to a fast food place. I was expecting somewhere nicer for our date, but he cleared things up once we were out of our cars: "The fines were so high that this is all I can afford. Sorry."
I don't like fast food, but to humor him I went in and ordered a salad. In his defense, I guess, he paid for it. Still, he was in a pretty foul mood the whole time. I saw to it that it was our only date.
Clarence name-dropped the name of his college throughout dinner:
"After graduating Eastern Oklahoma State College, I decided to go into business."
"I joined a fine wine club at Eastern Oklahoma State College that taught me everything about fine wines."
"You're definitely maybe a little bit hotter than the girls at Eastern Oklahoma State College."
"Oh really?" I asked.
"I dated most of the cheerleaders. At Eastern Oklahoma State College."
"I see."
He laughed. "They even had a nickname for me. The cheerleaders. Of Eastern Oklahoma State College."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yep! They called me Fat-dick! Wanna know why? It's not why you think."
"Do I have a choice?"
"It's because I asked them to call me that. Not because they all actually saw my dick."
"That's great."
We were quiet for a bit. Then he asked, "If I asked, would you call me Fat-dick?"
"Not likely."
And that was about all there was to my adventures with Fat-head.
My talks online with Colin were fun and he seemed like a really interesting guy. During these emails, he'd bring up his friend Larry and talk about all the crazy antics they did, together. It made me laugh, and he told me quite a few stories.
On our first date, everything went well up until Larry himself dropped in and joined us at lunch. Colin said, "I invited Larry, too. I hope you don't mind."
Silly me, thinking it was a date! Okay... nice to meet you, Larry...
Larry took full control of the conversation. He was very obviously the leader of the twosome and he told a lot of stories that all pretty much made Colin look like a total dope. Colin laughed along, either oblivious or else too slow on the uptake to hit back.
Larry also said this gem: "All of Colin's exes broke up with him. Every last one. He's just that much of a loser."
Colin actually laughed at that. I didn't think it funny. Larry went on to say, "He just doesn't know what to do with women. He thinks that holding hands is going all the way."
Colin laughed really hard at that. I wasn't sure why he brought a "friend" along whose main purpose seemed to be making Colin look foolish.
Once the three of us were done with our meal, Larry insisted on paying for all of us. "Trust me," Larry said, "Colin wouldn't even think to pay for you." And Colin again laughed at that!
No more dates with those two.
In his emails, Joel made a big deal about how much he valued honesty in a relationship. Who wouldn't? He also talked about how much he didn't like playing games. Well neither did I.
We met in real life and walked down a quaint downtown area. He put his arm around me and said, "So, I'm all about honesty and openness."
He had already mentioned some variant of this statement in his emails about a dozen times. I didn't have long to wait for the punch line, though:
"So what's the shortest route into those pants of yours?"
I asked him to remove his arm from around me. He said, "How does that help me?"
I said, "I think this date is over," and I left him there and then.
He wrote me an email in which he asked me why I was dishonest and why I liked to play games. "You'll never get laid with that attitude," he warned me.
In retrospect, David came across as lacking a sense of humor (and reality), but I guess I was blind to that at the time. When we went out for coffee, he told me, "Four things: first, if we get married, I won't mow the lawn."
My blank expression must have told him to elaborate, which he did:
"I hate mowing the lawn, I've always hated mowing the lawn, and I will not mow the lawn. Either you'll do it or we find some stupid migrant laborer to do it. And that's final."
I didn't know what the proper response was, so I said nothing, waiting to hear what the remaining three things on his list were. But he said no more.
"Is that it?" I asked him.
"All I can think of," he said, "You're mowing the lawn. I mean it." He sat back, evidently quite pleased with himself.
Cerceaux's Boyfriend Mr. Bigger than Average wrote:On our first date, Larry asked me, "How much pipe can you fit?"
"...Huh?"
He said, "Pipe. You know. 'I'm laying pipe'? You know. Man-meat. Are you a little girl down there?"
Aghast, I said, "We're not talking about this!"
He said, "I just don't want to waste your time. I've hurt a lot of women. Busted their boxes. If you know what I mean."
He was sitting across the table from me, but I still couldn't help but feel a phantom pang of pain.
He said, "I'm trying to be considerate here. Don't get all uptight on me."
"Okay. Thanks. Moving on..."
The rest of the date was less awkward, but there was no way I was going to see this guy again. When he called to ask me out again, he left a voicemail that said, "I hope you're being immature about what we talked about. I'm huge and I don't want to hurt you when we start doing it. Call me."
Thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been sober for four years. I'm proud of that, but George almost ruined everything.
When I just started AA, I also started dating George. I was completely upfront about my addiction with him. Half-expecting him to run, he instead told me a touching story about how his own father struggled with alcoholism and how his family was supportive and encouraging throughout his rehabilitation. I felt better after he confided that in me.
A date or two later, he asked me out to a bar. I thought that was a curious choice, especially as he knew what I was going through. Still, he said, "It has great food. Trust me."
Once there, he ordered hard alcohol and encouraged me to do the same. "George," I said, "You know I'm trying to go sober."
He laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you drinking?"
I ordered a Sprite. George teased me about it and waved his drink under my nose. "Sure you don't want any?" he asked, "Alcohol is so good."
I finally snapped and said, "What the hell are you trying to do to me?"
George then acted hurt and said, "I was really hoping you'd understand. I don't have an alcoholic father. That whole thing was made up. I just wanted to see if I could get you to drink. Like a personal challenge for myself."
I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. He said, "It's the only hope that's kept me going these past couple weeks. Just take a sip. It won't kill you. Just one sip. It would make me happier than I've ever been."
He held his drink out to me again. I fought it and I won. I stood up to leave and he said, "Don't go! You'll make a grown man cry if you go. I'll kill myself if you go. Just don't go."
I went. Is he alive? Dead? Who can say?
My date with Alex actually went well. So well in fact that when we sat down pond-side after dinner and he went for a kiss, I was all too happy to enjoy one with him.
After several moments of bliss, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I know this'll sound weird, but I feel like I've known you for a long time."
He wasn't too far off. After all, we had spoken online for five weeks before meeting in person. It was a little strange to have just met him for the first time and yet know a lot about him.
"I know what you mean," I agreed.
He said, "It's like I've slept with you a dozen times, already."
Cue record player screech. Then he said, "Which we can totally do whenever you want. But preferably soon. I've been abstaining all week, if you know what I mean."
I said as gently as possible, "You might be looking at abstaining for a little while longer."
He replied, "Oh, great. I should've guessed you were one of those nun-girls."
"Nun-girls?"
"Yeah," he said, then stood up and brushed himself off. "Ready to go?"
I was. He walked me back to my car and didn't try anything, but he did say, "Maybe being less selfish will help you in the future."
"I could say the same," I retorted, but he was already off, doubtless headed home for a long night of breaking his abstention over and over and over again.
*horrified*
*gag* XDAs for cats, they're adorable the world over, and thank God for that.