Discussion in '-polls-' started by Iskanderia, May 13, 2007.
Garnet in the Eden wrote:
No, breathing is.
^ edited my post.xDDD you know what I meant !
...Umm, I don't know if pheremones actually have anything to do with gender, I just always thought that men and women emitted different pheremones, which were a big part of what attracted them to each other But that's just a random assumption and I don't remember where I got it from, so I dunno.
Gothic_Mana-Sama, why couldn't you be with a woman emotionally?
I honestly feel that the most confusing thing about men is that they are attracted to women, on any level...but that has nothing to do with reason, just my own feelings. In fact, I think all this is really subjective (and fuzzy ) because it completely has to do with things that go on in peoples minds, and everyone's mind is a little different, and there's no way to really communicate the intricacies (omg how do you spell it) of that, especially on an internet forum, right?
@faith, now I understand what you mean about gender vs body type, and I think I agree, with "body type" just including things like brain makeup and any "pheremones" that the person is emitting (so don't know what I'm talking about) Edt: like as opposed to gender role or identification.
About the wikipedia article: "Studies have placed the incidence rate of asexuality at 1%"
"Though comparisons with non-human sexuality are problematic, a series of studies done on ram mating preferences at the United States Sheep Experiment Station in Dubois, Idaho, starting in 2001 found that about 2–3% of the animals being studied had no apparent interest in mating with either sex"
Apparently rams are more likely to be asexual than humans XD
I wasn't being negative about it. The emoticon I used was purely for the fact that an 'asexual/pansexual/etc' option wasn't presented with the other choices.
It has been sometime since I put my original answer down . . . perhaps I should just say that I feel no need to be in a relationship with anyone (sexual or not) currently or in the near future.
My friend told me a few years ago that a friend of hers thought I was a lesbian because I didn't associate with males too much (if at all) and didn't have a boyfriend. I had to laugh because I thought those were silly reasons.
I'm in this club as well.
Although I definitely classify myself as straight (sorry "everyone's bi" theorists; while I am open to anything I have never, ever felt any sort of sexual desire for another woman, where I do feel attraction to men). But I've never really felt the need for sex with anyone... when I am interested in a boy it's because I desire an emotional connection. And I think that's a big part of why I don't go around chasing boys all the time.. I already have very deep emotional connections with other people who are simply friends. There is no reason to get involved in that messy dating nonsense. I guess it's really hard for people to believe I'm simply not interested in sex, but it's true! And I get REALLY confused at people who are promiscuous or eager for sex. It's not that I'm a prude or think it's "inappropriate", I just can't identify with the reasoning behind it at all because I don't have those feelings. It's foreign behavior to me.
The lack of any proper boyfriend has made a few people think I'm a lesbian... How does this make sense? If I were a lesbian, I would be dating girls, instead of not dating at all.
^maybe they think you are and just being secretive?
xD I think its stupid to someones a lesbian because they're not dating people.
But i really want to understand this 'no sexual desire' thing...
I can't imagine that, being a teenaged boy. xD
More than wanting to have sex, i date people to feel safe and to have someone to be close with on a romantic level, but not neccesarily(bad spelling) a sexual level a. In fact, sex is something I don't need out of a relationship, the only reason it would ever happen is if the other person needed it in a relationship, because I'm completely neutral about it. but, i'd rather cuddle with someone and kiss someone, and hug someone, and be close with someone than have sex with them, not that I mind sex, i just don't enjoy it as much as those other things,
But I still get sexually excited sometimes, i just don't feel the need to share the expirience with anyone else, it doesn't 'make it better' to me or anything to be with someone else when it's happening. by it, i mean an orgasm.
But i do find the same sex sexually attractive, just not on a "i want to have actual sex with you' level.
I'm more complicated than i thought it seems...
I DO enjoy sex, just not enough to need it from someone I love.
edit: I hope no one thinks i'm out of place, or uncomfortable that I'm posting stuff like this at a young age, but i've been aware of my sexual side from a young age and don't consider it something private, and even though I'm young, i personally don't believe i need to hide these sort of things, in text at least.
If it does make you uncomfortable, I'll edit out my post.
edit2: p.s.: I've actually edited this post like... 5 times. xD
Yeah, I'm a straight guy and I like women and have a pretty normal sexuality.
(Totally over-simplified, but I'm amazed at how my situation seems to be the minority here!)
oh also love kicks ass and i love the tinglies one gets when a cute girl makes eye contact with you on the train and you both smile
im a really stupid romantic like that
for me, the eye thing you mentioned, it makes me unfomfortable. Since I'm interested in guys, I don't know if the guy is straight or not, and odds are he is. it's not a comfortable feeling, probably even moreso for him if he is straight.
Hey, I'm a normal straight guy too. But I'm more interested in sex than love. I don't want a 'girlfriend', actually, or 'dating' at all. I have enough emotional connexions with my friends.
Perhaps that would be the perfect world for me, all sex and friends
In college I lived in an apartment with 3 other gay guys so I was basically one of them minus the "liking boys" part, so I don't get any of those "willies" that most straight guys get about "gay" stuff. (Again, oversimplifying the matter.) Hell, I'd smile at you if we made eye contact, just because I'm nice and you'd probably smile back and hooray isn't humanity wonderful, but I'd be sadly unaware as to how uncomfortable it would make you. XD
Still, every gay guy needs a good straight guy best buddy!
I have no straight guy friends. i mean, i do, but none of them are the kind of 'friend' i'd actually hang out with alone. xD
Most of my friends are lesbians.
Also, i personally find it awkward when girls become interested in me because i don't really know what to say. "I like guys" is kinda blunt... but what annoys me is when they already know that and try to act on their interest.
no, you're not going to seduce me to the straight side.
anyways, thats why i said what i said about a straight guy being uncomfortable.
I get the same thing! The guys at work all keep telling me I "need a man", and then when I ask them WHY I need a man, as opposed to a cat or something, they say it's because "there are some things a cat can't give you."....
My response is usually, "Like what? A headache and B.O.?"
...so they think I'm a lesbian too.
Actually, it kinda sucks not being attracted to people.
You know you're probably not going to get married, which holds a certain lack of security, and you simply don't get half the movies that come out of Hollywood.
It's like there's a part of your life as a human that's missing and will never be there.
On top of that, I don't see anything wrong or harmful about it, but the people around me and even the asexual groups seem to treat it as an abnormality....
The fact that you hang out with lesbians suggests that you identify with your friends through the common factor that none of you are interested in your opposite respective sexes, but not because you are inerested in men. That's different, because many homosexual males gravitate towards heterosexual females or homosexual males through the common factor of being attracted to men.
I'm not really saying anything, I'm just thinking about these things because I'm taking sociology right now
That's the same for me.
I love this post XD And I'm definitely a romantic too! XDD
oh uh...I'm straight
I also think that "if you don't have a boyfriend, then you're a lesbian" is incredibly stupid
*takes a deep breath* XD OK, here I go. XD Sorry if I sound strange. I'll try to be as clear as possible. :B
To many(most) people, sex and gender are the same thing. And to most people, sexuality means that who you fall in love with, you have sex with. But for some people know this is not the case.
Let me put an example we all know: Gackt. He claims in his autobio that he can only fall in love with other men but they're NG for sex. He says he prefers women in that sense.
Now I know I'm going to crush the hearts of many skeptic fans who wish Gackt bonked You(You not you. XD) or Hyde on the side but this can actually happen.
Granted I don't see this distinction made much outside the asexual community but what I'd call gackt would be a Homoromantic, Heterosexual individual(meaning he falls in love with men but is only sexually attracted to women).
What am I getting to? I mean that sexuality may encompass but not always the entirety of your situation and falling in love with one gender doesn't always mean you'd have sex with them. :-* (and viceversa - having sex with one gender doesn't mean you can fall in love with them. Kinda like men having sex in jail just for release).
To give you a plus, I thought this way too upon finding the term asexual. I thought this could be my answer for "I do not partake in relationships NOR have interest in sex!" but upon meeting a wide variety of asexuals on the internet, I found out that the "aromantic" tag becomes important because asexuality encompasses such a big amount of people that come from all walks of life that within the community, differentiations are needed, somehow.
So to aswer you comment: No, asexuality may mean that you don't have sexual desires(not at all. This varies among the asexual you may be speaking to) this doesn't mean they don't crave the mental connectivity of a "partner" nor does it mean that they don't have silly crushes or even fall in love.
I know its hard to believe but its perfectly OK and possible to have a deep & meaningful relationship with someone without having sex.
First of all, you mentiong "sexual frustration" but remember the couple could be asexual on both parties.
When one of the partners isn't asexual, you work out those problems and of course, if you don't mind polyamory or polygamy your partner could always go find sex somewhere else(I know at least two couples who are polyamorous and this works out for them).
In the end, I guess it depends of how much you DO love that person and how much you're willing to try for him/her/zir/whatever.
We do not ignore any sexual desires, we don't get them.
When you suppress or willingly ignore your sexual desires you're practicing CELIBACY.
Many, many asexuals aren't virgins and (sadly for them) most celibates are not in any way asexual.
As for the "no boyfriend=lesbian" thing only happens to me with my family, cuz they're complete ass-hats and they must think I'm a dyke or something.
I have friends who've known me since middle school and know that I've never glanced at someone in THAT WAY so they know I'm not crazy when I say I'm asexual. In fact, I've seldom experienced the reject some asexuals get when coming out to their friends. Guess I'm lucky. (Gender is anoooooother whole issue thou -_-)
I think Gackt is just batshit crazy. But that won't stop me from plastering his face all over my walls.
Why would someone face rejection for being asexual? I don't even think that merits a formal "coming out" (to your friends at least) because, when you think about it, it doesn't really affect anyone else, unless they are currently romantically interested in you or something (then it could get messy). I'm not saying it isn't important, but it's easier to spot a gay person than an asexual one, so you could get along fairly well without having to categorize yourself publicly (am I making any sense?). Anyway, discriminating against asexual people is just ridiculous, and I feel sorry for anyone who has to endure stupidity like that.
...HAHAHA. XD OK, Gackt may he crazy but he was the most famous example I could think of. XD
Well, its not like I made a big party XD
I just casually put a name to it so my friends know I'm not interested and so I could firmly tell whoever was interested in me at the time that its not that I haven't had the chance to be on a relationship, I dont WANT one and that its not going to change.
But just for your information, lots of asexuals are seen as freaks by their friends, people who consider sex to be the OMGMOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE.
The blow might be more bitter thou when, as you said, the person you're telling has an active sexual interest in you.
Thankfully, the few people who've gathered enough interest in me to tell me hadn't even really even thought about sex with me. The fact that I'm not sexually attractive may have something to do with it. XD
They were mostly attracted to my personality, I guess. XD
Aaaand I'm talking too much now. XD
Well, for me it's not that I don't have any sexual desire--I do. I just don't fantasize about or desire other people. I can't think of other people that way. And it's really baffling to know that most people DO think of other people (and maybe even me ) that way.
Hahaha, seriously. I never used to think of myself as asexual simply because I didn't know there was a term for it, but the more I learn about it the more it makes sense, and my complete lack of interest in chick flicks suddenly becomes clear.
Maybe not rejection, but people who don't understand asexuality might think "Oh, they're a closet gay" or "they're sexually repressed" etc etc. And if you have jerks for friends you might have to deal with people purposefully putting you in sexual situations or constantly making sexual remarks, trying to get a rise out of you.
I've never had any of that stuff happen to me, to clarify (I've never gone around and told people I'm probably asexual). But I have, in the past, had experiences with some very pushy guys who purposefully started invading my person space and making lewd comments to me because they thought I was "just playing hard to get" or whatever. Obviously such a situation could happen to anyone, but I can imagine it might become more of a "goal" for some people to seduce a person who claims to be asexual. Some people think of sex as some kind of measure of how cool they are, and can't accept that someone might genuinely not have those feelings or that interest.
Perhaps, it makes sense what you are saying here.
About the Gackt thingie, I think he said that simply to entertain his fans(or to trigger fantasies?). Anyway he is not really reliable, I seriously doubt it what he is saying.
yes, the definition of asexual is slightly wrong, if you try to clarify the word with common sense. Aromantic doesn't sound bad. However, aromantic sounds like you don't like romance at all(or should I stop trying to describe words with common sense?). I can imagine someone who can't feel love does like the idea of love, and romance. Same for someone who avoids it(there are plenty of reasons to avoid it even when you do like the idea of romance). so, the term aromantic is not satisfying, but I guess it will do.
But you can also have a deep & meaningful friendship.. a deep & meaningful friendships are a lot more useful, stable, trustful and less fragile, so why start a relationship when a friendship is a much better option?
This is actually the part I disagree with you. Also a bit of what you said earlier in your post about the sex part. Actually, there are just a few questions that pops in my mind. I hope that can clarify it a bit. First of all, do asexuals kiss? Kissing is like the "paring dance"(what is the english term for it? birds do it before having sex) for humans before sex. So kissing is an act of showing sexual affection, and physical interest in the other person. It would be hypocritical for an asexual to kiss another person.
Then, second. isn't the word asexuality mostly used by people with bad experiences related to sex, or (mainly) girls who are insecure about the entire sex thing? Maybe this sounds blunt, but it is quite noticeable(Of course, there are always exceptions, so generally speaking...). The asexuals I have known all had problems in the pass related to sex. So they hated sex, not for sex itself, but because they are reminded of that bad experience. To the outside world they reflect that with asexuality, or simply that they are not interested in sex. It is also noticeable that less males are asexual(I don't have a statistic source for this though, only my own experience). Probably because the entire sex thing is easier for males than for females physically.
I say this because you say asexuals aren't virgin in a lot of cases. Therefore, they did have sexual desires at some point in their life. Otherwise they wouldn't have sex. They must have lost that desire somehow.
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