Random Thoughts: Hi-Res

[PureElegance]

Shannen and I were joking about suits and her never being around for her son again. She said, "He has to expect that if he wants bread on the table."

But there is something that has bothered me since two years ago, a year ago, and in the present it is still bothering me. For some reason talking to Shannen reminded me of it. WHO PAYS FOR THE FOOD.

I thought my "mini-identity crisis" was put so well in this article, "My Inner Feminist vs. My Inner Princess."
http://hellogiggles.com/my-inner-femini ... -princess/

A few months ago I went on my first date with a nice gentleman I had met through mutual friends. When it came time to pay for the bill, I fought long and hard—as I always do—and to my surprise, he let me pay for dinner. At first I was like, oh okay – that’s kinda cool, I guess he respects my independence and I dig that. About thirty seconds later, I decided there wouldn’t be a second date. No goodnight kiss. Nothing. Ever. It was over before it even began.

I started questioning my identity. Why did I fight to pay for the bill then feel disappointed? In a society where generations have worked so hard to gain equality for women, are there still rules? Can we have expectations? Did feminism kill chivalry?

I can see the fence and you are split in half. On one side, I’ve got my I-am-woman-hear-me-roar sisters cheering me on for paying on the first date—the rest of you have a look of utter disgust and thought bubbles that read: Umm, NO.

Okay seriously, I’m pretty scary and I threatened him, but the truth is, I did want him to pay – I wanted him to fight back and say: “No, sweetheart, thank you for offering but my mama would kill me if she found out I let a pretty girl pay for dinner.â€￾ Now I know that sounds like a 1950s movie line spoken by the typical chauvinistic womanizer, but that’s how I envisioned that situation going down. Stop judging me.

My mini identity crisis led me to believe that most of us still want the best of both worlds. We want to be strong, independent and equal to our male counterparts while being treated like princesses once in a while (or more often than not). It’s also safe to say that we’re not exactly sure what we want, and we’re probably sending mixed signals. I mean, I literally fought him to pay—I gave him a very convincing speech while staring into his soul—what was the poor guy supposed to do?

I actually suggested we go half and half with Richard once, I was feeling generous and I wanted to do that, and he said sure and I felt like this wave of gloom right afterwards, even though I actually spontaneously wanted to do that.

I actually felt in a huff and walked out of the restaurant quickly with him following me and he said, "Is something wrong? You seem like you're in a funk." I SAID EVERYTHING WAS OK!!!

I feel her pain And I know I'm such a flip flop with this that I do something different every time, sometimes obviously putting my card down before the waiter arrives, to jumping in with my card and ordering for myself, to not doing anything at all, even though I said I like it when he pays and I actually do like it.

I have to sort out my identity...

Maybe it's different for me a little because I get us chocolates to eat and get him little gifts often, unlike the girl in the article. I also get him nerdy puns that he puts up on his office wall and he uses my llama covers for his work binders. So it's not about "oh he's always doing things for me" kind of thing or any sort of guilt I have. I think it's more of the identity thing.

But food thing continually trips me up. I don't know what it is about it that I have this little tug of war in me. IT HAS BEEN FOR YEARS.

I'm psyching myself out for exams even though they're a month away. I'm actually going to bed wondering about partnership law and asking random questions to myself about it. This is not good (or cool) IT'S OK ADELA YOU GOT THIS AHHH.

 

[flowersofnight]

I thought my "mini-identity crisis" was put so well in this article, "My Inner Feminist vs. My Inner Princess."
http://hellogiggles.com/my-inner-femini ... -princess/

Dear Blog. A few months ago I went on my first date with [name redacted], or as she demanded to be known, Princess [name redacted]. I was aghast at the way she handled money matters from beginning to end. When the waiter - an unassuming fellow who deserved none of the opprobrium heaped on him like chunks of tomato heaped on a bruschetta during the course of this fiasco - brought us our menus, Princess [name redacted] just waved him off. By this I mean she literally shooed him away with her 17" iPad Supreme, which she somehow pulled out of thin air, presumably from the same place David Copperfield sends the Statue of Liberty when he disappears it in his delightful conjuring acts. If I had had my wits about me, I would have emulated the estimable Mr. Copperfield and vanished myself there and then. Alas, I sat helplessly as the Princess pulled up the menu on her iPad, sorted it by price (a feature of which I had until then been blissfully unaware) and ordered the three most expensive items on offer without even bothering to read them. Tearing further at the tatters of my dignity, she addressed our long-suffering waiter in tones more suited for an MP dressing down a recalcitrant inmate at Leavenworth, than a so-called princess in a fine dining establishment. Not having a menu of my own, and seeing no chance of liberating Princess [name redacted]'s iPad from her deathgrip for even an instant, I simply ordered "the special" and hoped for the best.
Suffice it to say that our meal was a cavalcade of ignominy; I was helpless to watch as the Princess pilfered various table knickknacks that struck her fancy, displayed fork usage that could only be described as "unorthodox", and butchered the pronunciation of "Yquem" at volumes ordinarily reserved for jet aircraft taking off. When my ordeal at last drew to a close and she demanded to pay the bill - which, with the price of multiple purloined pieces of Gorham sterling superadded, rose easily to the level of "exorbitant" - I was only too happy to acquiesce.
As we left the restaurant and I silently wished for a portal to Tartarus to open up beneath my feet, she had a dour, sullen look on her face for some reason. I never did find out why though, because as she turned to me, mouth open as if to take one last stab at "Yquem", I chose that moment to finally make myself disappear.

 

[PureElegance]

Are all French scapers ok??

I just heard what's going on right now in France and I hope everyone is okay!!!

 

[flowersofnight]

Paging Faith and MissUMana to the thread

 

[voixdinferno]

So scary watching the news! hope you both are Ok.

 

[PureElegance]

Paging Faith and MissUMana to the thread

Faith is good and she's on Facebook, along with Lempicka and some of my friends who are in Paris.

I don't know about Missumana though! @.@

 

[MissUMana]

I am fine, and so is my daughter who lives in Paris now. None of her friends is hurt either.
But you may imagine the shock.

 

[Cerceaux]

^Glad you are okay!

It's so crazy that this stuff keeps happening, like what did France do to anybody? These terrorists are just barbarians living in the dark ages who want to raze civilization to the ground and they don't care if they die doing it. How do you deal with a threat like that? I don't even know. Maybe the bubonic plague.
Also LOL Obama with his "let's not jump to conclusions" speech like we don't all know who was behind this #notallmuslims

 

[MissUMana]

Thank you Cerceaux.
Life is going to look like war time life, but this is war, and we have no choice.

 

[Madmoiselle_Silk]

What France did"wrong" is that they've been negative and showed critic to islam. I think it's horrible, I can sort of understand when IS attacked countries like Tunisia, because then they wanted to make the statement that west should leave "their" countries. But this is just crazy...
I'm starting to feel paranoid about going to see Madonna tonight... ::kisaki::

 

[faith]

Thanks guys. MissUMana - Je suis soulagee d'entendre que tu et ta fille et tes amis n'etes pas blesses!

I just got home. I was outside of Paris at the time and couldn't get back home because the entire city was on lockdown, so we (Joel, Niha and Kate) camped out at Niha's house. None of my friends are hurt buuut...

1. Stade de France - 2 of my friends were there and were detained with everyone else for a couple hours inside the stadium. The Gaurdian interviewed one so his account is up there

2. Chatlet - Joel's friend was in Chatlet. The person he was with was shot and killed. He hid behind a garbage can while they shot at him until the police came.

3. Bataclan - Our friend was dj'ing that night at Bataclan after the live band performed. As soon as he heard the first gunshot, he grabbed some people and dragged them out the back door. He's still in shock. But he saved 2 people's lives.

The scariest thing for me is that Joel, who is one of my best friends, would have been there too if he hadn't decided to come with us that night instead. Niha also might have gone. If either one had gone, chances are they would have invited me. We all could easily have been there.


As for the attacks...

Actually, I think it has nothing to do with France in particular - it's terrorism against the entire western culture. Some people have speculated that it is retaliation for France's involvement in Syria (following as it did the attack on the Russian aircraft). I think it is more likely that they were simply looking for someplace to convey their message of hate.

But they did chose Paris. Personally, and this is going to sound horrible, Joel and I are thinking it might be linked to the way the French Government and police managed Charlie Hebdo. In Canada, Australia, the US, UK, and India the attacks were handled efficiently and strong counter measures were taken.

In the case of Charlie Hebdo the guys had NO FRIGGIN CLUE what they were doing. They held up the wrong building and had no escape plan. They weren't prepared to die. And the police still took days to catch all of them.

Not only is Paris the romanticized capital of western culture, but they also suck at dealing with terrorists and taxi drivers. What an easy target.

 

[PureElegance]

@Missumana: So glad you're safe!!

@Faith: I'm glad you're safe and I'm sorry about your friend Joel I know nothing happened to him per se, but I can't imagine how he must feel to have the person he was with die.

Also LOL Obama with his "let's not jump to conclusions" speech like we don't all know who was behind this #notallmuslims

You're the best XD

The world is so creepy lately. It's not even just what happened with France, but those 200+ Russian people killed in that plane LAST WEEK and what happened in Australia in the Lindt store, the pilot being burned alive, the beheadings, what happened in Canada, Charlie Hebdo, the shooting in Texas, etc.

I don't even understand how we have homegrown people doing this stuff too.

It just doesn't seem like any place is really "safe" anymore when these things happen out in the open in places we go to often.

Times Square/Grand Central last night was full of police. It's really creepy.

I also wasn't even thinking about the study abroad students who were there, but the NYU and Fordham ones are all safe.

What France did"wrong" is that they've been negative and showed critic to islam.

blaarrrhghghhghghhhgh

 

[faith]

Interestingly enough, the only jrocker from this forum who really wrote anything out about Friday was Juka/Shaura (Kaya gave a shout out).

http://ameblo.jp/shaura-official/entry-12095905065.html

It's a lot smarter than what Gackt wrote about France lol
Sometimes I think we underestimated Shaura as a person when he was in M10M.
He's been really nice to my friend too. And he has a real job.
He gets the potential "meh" of not complete bandman disapproval from me.
I am sure however that we will still continue to tease him about using fans as mitsu to pay for parking tickets, true or not true

Anyhow, France was bad. But there were also Lebanon, Kenya, etc etc at the same time.
It's important not to forget this.
Also Holland is a dumbass for "declaring war" cause I'm pretty sure another country did that and it just made everything worse.

 

[lady_toast]

Glad to hear you guys are doing okay. Please take care of yourselves... all the bad news has been quite upsetting.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I live in Vancouver (BC NOT WASHINGTON!!!) now, doing an MFA in Poetry and Translation. I am passionate about both, but man, talk about a career path that's almost guaranteed to make you no money...

 

[flowersofnight]

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I live in Vancouver (BC NOT WASHINGTON!!!) now, doing an MFA in Poetry and Translation.

I didn't even know there was a such place as Vancouver, Washington till I looked it up just now XD
Anyway I will say a prayer for you and all poor doomed MFA students XD

 

[Wandering_Fox]

I didn't even know there was a such place as Vancouver, Washington till I looked it up just now XD

I went there once; I have a friend who lives there. It's where you go when you want:
1) The cheaper property taxes of Washington State
2) The absence of sales tax in Oregon State

It's very close to Portland, so you can go and get Voodoo Donuts (where for $100, you can get a miniature coffin filled with donuts!)

 

[PureElegance]

I am passionate about both, but man, talk about a career path that's almost guaranteed to make you no money...

XD I went to my first Feminist Theory Reading Group meeting and I met PhD students who felt that way. (The reason I even found out about this group was because the leading professor was at the Virginia Woolf Conference this year *NEERRRRD*)

I had a great time and most of the group were professors in the area with a couple from Rutgers and Julliard. The Julliard one said he was so jealous of our new building because they're still living in the stone ages when it comes to technology.

We even had the author come in and talk about her book and she seemed nice and I had a good time! Everyone was making cool points about the book and I felt like a nerd, in a good way.

One of the more frustrating points of the book is that the author is sort of challenging us to see different models of success. This is frustrating for me because one of the girls in the shelter is able to go to a great high school because of her stellar test results, but then she drops out because she thought it was too middle class/white/socially against her. Then she goes to college for one semester and then drops out. But the author sort of sees her "success" as the girl being able to make money by braiding hair or doing side jobs that she enjoys, that sort of thing.

I donno. One professor said, "But how are you able to get power that way?" I know, right? I donno. I doubt she meant "POWER TO RULE THE WORLD," but more autonomy. It's like, yeah it's great you're making some money, but she's going to be in that position forever sort of thing... I donno.

My favorite girl in the book was Poetess and I thought she was the best thing there. She also lived at the shelter and she had a way with words. She rarely attended the job-searching workshops and she wrote poetry. The author said she had this indomitable spirit, eternal optimism, etc.

So the author, who is the director of the shelter at that time, tells her she has to start doing all the workshops and being committed to the programs. Poetess said she totally is committed to the programs and that she's going to college soon because she will be accepted.

The author is like wut, you didn't tell any of us that. Poetess showed the author her application, which was turned in late, had missing spaces, and her letters of recommendation were great.

So then one day they all hear that a stadium is hiring and the girls and Poetess go along. Every girl except Poetess comes back with a uniform. The author asked the girls what happened to Poetess and they said, "Poetess didn't need this because she said she's going to go to college soon."

So the author got super upset at Poetess and said SHE NEEDED TO COMMIT TO GETTING A JOB GOD!!! Poetess yelled back that she's going to be accepted!

Then one day a piece of paper is slid under the author's office door and when the author saw it it was Poetess' acceptance letter LOL. The author couldn't believe it and called the school to make sure.

One of the professors at the college said Poetess was a gifted artist, they would be honored to have her there, and others called her a genius and all that.

Poetess got a job to save up some money for moving expenses and then high-tailed it out of there.

I thought, "BA BAM YOU GO GIRL YEAAAH!!!!!!!"

At the end of Poetess' story the author said that Poetess was definitely a success story, but couldn't help but think that Poetess made it "in spite of" the shelter.

Anyway, referring to lady toast's point before, after we spoke there was a little mingling and I talked to one PhD student name Peter or Ben, I forget.

Well, he knew I was in the law school and I asked if he was a PhD student and he said, "Yeah, an UNEMPLOYED one."

What job paths are there for PhD students? Is it mainly becoming professors? It's just that I've heard this concern before and I don't know much about it.

 

[flowersofnight]

What job paths are there for PhD students? Is it mainly becoming professors?

Most of the "professor" jobs out there are sub-minimum-wage slavery in flyover states. Going to expensive schools in a place people want to live, every professor you've ever had is essentially a genius, plus well-connected, plus lottery winner.

Pretty much if you're a Ph.D you either go work in the salt mines forever, marry well, or get a job just like anyone else. The new guy at work has a doctorate and he submitted his resume the same way anyone else would.

 

[PureElegance]

Most of the "professor" jobs out there are sub-minimum-wage slavery in flyover states. Going to expensive schools in a place people want to live, every professor you've ever had is essentially a genius, plus well-connected, plus lottery winner.

Pretty much if you're a Ph.D you either go work in the salt mines forever, marry well, or get a job just like anyone else. The new guy at work has a doctorate and he submitted his resume the same way anyone else would.

Well that's good to know XD It depends on what kind of PhD though too right? The ones I talk to are getting PhDs in "Early modern women writers from 1500s Italy" and they seem to go into teaching jobs, like sort of "Writing 101" kind of things, or are becoming adjuncts, and it seems like the goal is to eventually become a college professor. And then I guess they'll have "professor" jobs most likely not in great areas of the country...
But it's probably different if you have PhDs in other subjects? I donno, I don't know a lot about this side of academia!

There was one professor at the group who I thought was a total man-splainer. I think he's a professor at the university (not law school) and he teaches queer theory and theology, I think.

Anyway, one PhD student said it was depressing for her to see the statistics on the amount of Asian professors there were, or something. Professor Fernald (who I met at the Woolf Conference) and the old lady professor next to me told her to keep going with what she's doing and to not let it get her down so much. But they did it in a nice, short way, like the old lady said she was like the first female professor in her department at Yale and so was Fernald, that they know what it's like to feel "outside" of the group. That you think you "made it" because you're there, but there's still a long way to go.

But man, the MAN SPLAINER railroaded the conversation to repeatedly tell her over and over to not give up, how it's tough, and all that. I just stared at him and thought he was "telling her from on high" that she really needs to keep going. Wow, I rarely think that way about someone. Usually I don't have this thought, but I thought, "Do you even know what she means?" He can never know!

(Either way, I had a great time and I felt so welcomed! Fernald was patting me on the back and they were all, "Woo, welcome!" when I introduced myself as the latest nerd to join.)

Speaking of professors, Jackie the Depressed One was talking to this guy during our office hours at the journal. She said she's going to have to learn all of Corporations during the next two weeks for finals and that she's missed so many classes. She also said her professor is "old as dirt."

I know who she's talking about, there's this really old professor (he's 80), but he seems older than usual because of his hunched over appearance. But he seems nice and along with Corporations he teaches tax and estate planning...

Once I referred to him as the hunchback down the hall because of his hunch and Richard said that wasn't nice of me, sorry >_>

But then I was at the elevator and I went inside and held the elevator door open for him. He said, "Thanks, not many people would have done that."

Jackie then said that she went to his office hours two weeks ago and sat down to speak with him. After she started asking a question he said, "Stop." So she stopped and he put in a hearing aid and said, "OK you can go on now."

I was trying to figure out which professor it was (I didn't know his name) and I came across Goebel, 79, who Richard said during a faculty meeting pronounced, "Latina" as "La-tai-na." So Richard asked, "What's a la-tai-na?"

She also talked a lot about how she's tired every day, worried about law school, and things like that (and posting facebook statuses about it). I wonder what's going on with that @_@

 

[Wandering_Fox]

There are certain subjects you get a PhD in because it's just a topic that genuinely interests you. My grandfather has a PhD in history and has been a teacher, professor, researcher and author all his life. My Cinema Studies professor had a PhD and on top of her job at the college, she worked as an archivist preserving and researching old film reels from the early 20's and before. (She also provided commentary on DVD collections of early cinema.) Other professions require a PhD. You basically become a professional student, but you are expected to become a master of your field.

It can just become an exceedingly expensive hobby for some people, though.